Introducing Hope

Since I was a girl, I’ve struggled with depression and chronic illness. I was tender, easily-wounded, and obsessed with gaining (and hearing) approval from the ones I loved. I didn’t understand that their inability to express approval didn’t mean that I wasn’t good enough.

After experiencing domestic violence in my adult years, completely losing all trace of myself, and nearly losing my mind, I was emotinally and mentally destroyed. BUT I also received an opportunity to search for, find, and understand myself in a whole new way. At the age of 25, after losing everything except my faith in God, I had to fight to learn how to LIVE. Either I would live or I was gonna shrivel up and die.

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I chose life and I found HOPE. I had to face ugly truths — truths about me, people I loved, and my reality. It was not easy but I did it. Hope was waiting for me on the other side. I found it by accident. I was looking for myself. I was looking for truth. I was looking for a reason to live. I was looking for something greater than the life pain had given me. I found Hope once I stared my greatest fear in the eye and refused to cower under the fear that I felt. I found Hope when I accepted my flaws yet dared to learn to love me. I found Hope when I stopped defining myself by what others thought about me. I found Hope when I stopped being limited by my limitations.

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Life has not been perfect since I discovered Hope but Lawd it’s been good. Good because I always bounce back. Good because even when it doesn’t feel good I know that the reality is I’m okay. Good because I no longer need approval to function. Good because I see ME. Flaws and all, I love the woman I have become. I’m fierce yet full of love. So, onward I go tackling and overcoming obstacles and fears. I refuse to be defeated by the very things life has designed to make me strong(er).

What about you? Have you found Hope? Are you looking for her? You may not know where to start and then you may have already begun your journey. I just want to assure you that the journey is worth all the turbulence. Your process may be tedious but it’s yours. You are in charge of your life by taking responsibility for the decisions you make. You are also in charge of how you interpret the outcomes. You can either learn a lesson or place a mistake on repeat. I hope you know that hope is not running from you. Happiness can be found. Sometimes you have to put forth more effort than you want to but the results are worth it.

Hope Always,

💜Missy


 

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I’m Coming Out!!

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Heyyy!!! It feels good to still be on my journey of hope and healing. It feels good to be emerging from the hole I’ve been in, too. My life has been bumpy but at least I can feel. I’ve been numb before and that is far worse.

The lyrics to “I’m Coming Out” were playing in my head as soon as I decided to blog. It seemed fitting to make that the title.

I’ve been having some fun lately. Spending time with family, a friend, and my godchildren. I even tried a new pizza place! MOD Pizza is really good. I love that I got to create my own pizza recipe. Tasty! I’ve been twice. I think the first time I got bacon, pepperoni, spinach, garlic, red and green peppers, anchovies, mozzarella and asiago cheese, and some other stuff. Yummy!!

I’ve been determined to not allow depression to win and it has not.💪🏾

Of course I’ve done more than eat pizza. I’ve traveled, met new folks, and have spent a lot of time in prayer and reflection. I’ve gotten a chance to hear from God and connect with my heart. I took a break from Moments with Missy™️ work and have been focusing on making sure that I’m well.

Mission accomplished. ✅

I’m ready to continue moving forward and live life. I’m almost ready to begin accepting new coaching and advocacy clients soon. I’m excited! 😁

I hope you’re well. Please, never hesitate to reach out to me. I love people and conversation.

Hope Always,

💜Missy


Stay connected! Be sure to follow my blog or join my mailing list.

Visit my website for more information about me, my brand and ministry.

I Want Out! It’s Dark in this Hole.

I’m at that place again. Realizing that I’ve been in a hole and that I have to get out. I’m in the process of a total restart.

Tired. Physically in a lot of pain with very few pain-relief options in sight. Emotionally distraught. I’ve been through the ringer. It’s unbelievable how quickly life can change and affect the way we feel. Mentally I am full of ideas and hopes for the future. But the bottom line is I’ve been stuck. Full of so much desire and longing but unable to reach them as of yet.

Lately, my life has been full of pain and a lot of waiting. Waiting for answers. Waiting for opportunities. Waiting through the process of healing. Waiting to develop the courage to step out towards more of my dreams. Waiting for apologies. Waiting for change in my circumstances. Waiting for direction from God. Waiting for an opportunity to relocate. Waiting on my next vacation. Just waiting.

However, life has a way of constantly moving at a rapid pace. If I keep waiting I’m going to lose time. So instead of waiting indefinitely (as in literally sitting still and doing nothing) I’ve been waiting as in peacefully progressing regardless of what I seemingly lack. I’ve been working on having patience, being insightful, and being connected to my purpose while in my present season of trouble and distress. I have had to admit that I’ve been in a hole and I have to get out.

The good news is that I have been able to connect with myself and remember what is most important. I have to have peace. I have to have hope. I have to know my why.

My time of sadness has allowed me time to do a lot of thinking and reflecting. I have had the opportunity to go through crises, question almost every aspect of my life, and come out better than I was at the beginning.

I’m in my 30’s and life was getting sort of comfortable. I’d mastered a rhythm. I learned how to do life. I had a good idea of who I was and discovered my purpose. I was living in my purpose. I had phenomenal coping mechanisms and many positive ways to navigate through the unchartered territories of life. But then life changed and those mechanisms didn’t work as well. My brain learned my tricks! I had to go back to the drawing board so I could learn new ways to understand and deal with the new struggles that arose.

I lost a very important person in my life — a type of father and spiritual leader. I lost him not to death but to life. I wasn’t prepared. I was thrown into grief. I was thrown into questioning so many of my spiritual practices (more so the spiritual leaders who had taught me those practices). I wasn’t sure how to process the lost of confidence and admiration I had for him and many leaders like him. I was floored. I was confused. I felt lost.

All the emotional distress affected me physically and I have been so sick the past year or so. I have spent many days full of medicine, sleeping for hours at a time. Bouts with depression haven’t made anything easier. Thank God for my therapist! I have been able to work through the pain of my loss. I am coming to terms with it and accepting it. It still hurts but I understand why it had to happen.

I’m going to transition away from this topic because I don’t want you to get lost in my life’s details and forget the purpose of this post.

GET OUT THE HOLE!

I realize that I don’t want to stay where I am. I can’t. I want to experience more emotional and physical healing. I want to continue to laugh. I can’t let sadness win. I have to shake myself. I will give Depression a fight worthy of its tormenting ways. It may push and press on me but I will not give up. I have to keep my eyes on God. He knows best.

I have survived the last 2 years but there is new ground to cover and more to conquer. I’m going after everything that is mine. I have to believe that my circumstance and the place where I am is not really where I am. My life is bigger than situations. My existence is greater than any pain. I have survived the darkness. I survived the parts of me that were my greatest hindrances. I have grown and matured. I still have hope. I am excited about my future. I can not throw away all that I have gained.

I am in love with The Thrill of the Thrive. I love getting up from what knocks me down. I love pushing back against the brutality that life sometimes brings my way. I love being a conqueror. I don’t want to forget contentment and happiness by getting distracted by what’s going on around me.

My life got hard and I had to stop and recharge. I have cried. I have felt numb. I have felt bitterness breathing down my neck. But I am not bitter. I am not willing to give up. I’ve been quiet. I’ve been down but I am not done. I am determined to rise. I’m determined to climb. I am going to make it through my storm.

Restart and recovery. That’s my mission.

I am doing what it takes to make sure that I am healthy. I want to love on me so that I can continue to love on you. I am so thankful for this opportunity. I am humbled. I am grateful to have a mind that is determined to move forward. I want to take all that I have learned and share it with the world.

Hope is real. There is life after devastation. Good folks still exist. Life is worth living. You can survive anything even if it’s depression, suicide, loss, chronic illness or abuse. No matter how debilitating the situation you can survive and learn to thrive.

May you find peace.

Hope Always,

💜Missy


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Visit my website for more information about me, my brand and ministry.

Living in Recovery

I’m a survivor of domestic violence.

I have experienced extreme emotional abuse and I have a lot of scars. Sometimes, the scars, flashbacks, and emotions are more than I know how to handle. I’m still discovering my triggers and ways to strengthen my emotional and mental well-being.

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But HOW?

Honesty. I refuse to be dishonest with myself about myself. I tell it like it is to me first! I admit when I feel weak and when I’m tired. I admit to myself when I am triggered and need help. I’m honest about my need for recovery. I’m no longer a broken person but there is some brokenness in my life. There are pieces that I’m still putting together. There are parts of my mind that have been affected and negatively bent. Sort of a glitch.

I stay aware. I’m not interested in fairy tales but reality. I take the time to think and evaluate the present and the past. I process my thoughts and emotions. I proces my actions and reactions. I try to understand why I am who I am. I also try to understand others. This isn’t fail proof but it works. It helps me stay grounded on facts while processing my feelings. I love it!

Sometimes I pause. Recovery is hard because it requires me to step outside of my comfort zone. I choose to reject depression and oppression. I fight negativity and self-doubt. I make a conscious decision to disconnect from the mentality of being a victim. I am a survivor and I refuse to cower to the weight of life’s problems. It’s tiring though so sometimes I just pause. I allow my mind to rest. I allow myself space to regroup and recover. I may not get on social media as often. Weeks may go by before I blog. I may not talk about domestic violence or participate in advocacy work for a space of time. Sometimes, I just mentally rest. I have had to pause from being so fixated on my recovery and growth. I give myself a break. Aiming for the ultimate healing experience can be tedious, and frankly, unrealistic. I have to make sure that I’m well without trying to make sure that I’m perfect. I have to continually make peace with the fact that I will always have the experience of being abused and there’s no amount of work that I can do to change that. So, sometimes I just pause. I never stop my journey of recovery but sometimes I have to re-evaluate it and redefine what it means for me at different moments in my life.

I stay grateful. I get down a lot. I face a lot of sadness and depression but there is always a reason to be grateful. I make sure that I am being thankful for something every single day. I have really bad moments and really bad days but that doesn’t stop me from looking for the silver lining — the good parts. I almost lost my mind and my life. I almost didn’t make it to this point. I have so many reasons to be thankful. Good God! I had no desire to live. I had given up on myself and my life. I was through BUT GOD. He restored my mind and has given me a will to live. I’m so so humbled and grateful to be alive.

Life isn’t easy and sometimes I feel that I can’t go another day in my circumstance. I’m tired physically and emotionally. But seasons change and one day I will be in a new season. I want my current season of recovery to count. I want all my struggles to matter. I refuse to give up. I’ve lived with chronic physical illness and mental health issues for decades. However, here I am. I have SURVIVED.

Hope Always,

💜Missy


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Visit my website for more information about me, my brand and ministry.

Ignoring the Pain Is Easier

Ignoring the pain is easier than facing it. Periodt (as the younger folks say).

Sitting in shame and guilt and regret is easier than facing the pain and healing from it. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do is get up from my rut of bitterness, pain, and feeling worthless. I had become convinced that the abusive relationship I was once in was my fault. I blamed myself continuously. After that, I blamed others for not warning me. The last person I blamed was my abuser. He should have been the first!

It was hard to admit or even understand that I had been abused and that there was a perpetrator. I had to face that truth. I had to look my experience in the eye. I had to tell abuse that I was no longer afraid of it and that I wasn’t going to be pushed around any more. It was easier said than done. Lawd! 😔

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Many years later, I am still refusing to be pushed around by abuse. I still have memories of being abused. I have low, emotional moments. My mental and emotional state have never been the same. I am sometimes triggered by people, movies, or even music. However, I understand what happened to me. I understand the dynamics. I understand that there was someone who tried to have power and control over me. I understand that I didn’t understand what was going on at the time. I have forgiven my younger self. I have learned to understand where she was and why she was there. I realize that over the years she has grown. She has evolved. She is so much more than I ever thought I could be. ♡

Today, I strive to continue my journey of hope and healing. So many days I feel alone. I consistently have to face the demons of my past. But I have found peace and I have hope. My healing process has been continual and I have worked through many layers; but I am a SURVIVOR. I am determined to never suffer in silence again.

It would be easier to hang my head down and be quiet. The thoughts of giving up have been tempting. I have questioned whether or not I am being effective. I’ve been through many horrible things that have all been EASIER than facing my pain on my road to recovery. However, nothing has been so POWERFUL as boldly facing my truth, owning it, and healing through the pain. I am no longer running from my past. I have learned to be honest with myself about myself. I refuse to be ashamed of my story. I am a warrior. I have learned to THRIVE. 💪🏾💜

Just like me, it may be easier for you to ignore what you’ve been through. It may be easier for you to go through life angry and with a closed heart and mind. Maybe you’ve decided to never trust anyone again. Perhaps you no longer believe in love. Of course, you have a right to believe in whatever you want to. I’d like to invite you to try believing in healing. I’d like to encourage you  to take a step forward outside of your comfort zone.  I’d like to challenge you to give a voice to all the hidden pain and sadness that deserves to be heard. You don’t have to suffer in silence.

You don’t have to tell the entire world all of your business but you can find ways to speak up and speak out about the things you haven’t talked about for years. It might be anonymously in the form of a blog. It might be one-on-one with an individual. You might write a book or volunteer to work with youth. You may simply, and most importantly, admit to yourself that you were injured. That is the most powerful thing. Speaking truth to ourselves is the key that sets us free. We are often bound by lies we have forced ourselves to believe. You don’t have to continue to believe the lies.

Why not Break Free?  It is possible. 

I’d love to be of help to you during your process. I offer FREE, 15-minute conversations. Simply schedule a call (or virtual chat via Zoom) by visiting the Services page on my website. 

 

Hope Always, 

💜Missy 


 

Stay connected! Be sure to follow my blog or join my mailing list.

Visit my website for more information about me, my brand and ministry.

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