I Walked Away
January 1st of the new year found me doing the opposite of what I’ve done for the past five years. I decided to step away and stop actively operating my brand and ministry, Moments with Missy™️. I simply stopped. I stopped posting, blogging, writing, emailing, and event planning. I walked away from the urge to continue pouring into others while I was nearly depleted. I took a much-needed break.
Moments with Missy is my baby, my heart, my vehicle for change, and a platform I’ve used to serve thousands. But the last two years of my life took a lot out of me. I endured a major crisis and I started living on autopilot and was in survival mode. My heart was broken and my life felt so complicated. So, at the end of last year, I made the decision to go back to the basics and find and connect with me. I’m so glad that I took the leap and got some rest.
I teach people how to survive and then go on to thriving. I have the head knowledge and the experience but last year I hit a snag. I became stuck in survival mode and was completely wore out. I was internalizing stressful events and I wasn’t taking the time to release them. I was trying to figure out my life’s challenges while trying to grow my email list, gain clients, and attract event attendees. I was not sitting still long enough to pour into myself. I wasn’t doing the things that make me happy. Any light-bulb moment I had or any inspiration that God dropped in my spirit I’d turn into a post for social media, send it via a text to a friend or family member, or create notes for a potential blog. What happened to caring for me?!
The biggest issue was that I allowed my time with God to often be rushed or interrupted. So, there I was hurting, ministering, and not intentionally making myself happy. And I wasn’t making my time with God a priority. I started to feel myself running out of strength and hope, and being consumed with the things that were clouding my vision.
But God! Before disaster could strike God allowed me to see that I could not continue on with the bad habits I’d formed. He began to show me how to reconnect with Him and the healthy-living tips I already knew. He also gifted me with new inspiration. December was full of light-bulb moments and I began to create a plan for change.
2020 started out really different. It was me, God and my journal. I didn’t have social media, my blog or any Moments with Missy activities to fall back on. I had to sit in silence and face myself, my hopes, dreams, disappointments, and perceived failures. I had a lot of time to pray and think. I chose to focus mostly on me. Of course, there were some obligations and responsibilities I had to tend to but I carved my life down to the bare necessities.
It felt weird in the beginning. I kept picking up my phone to mindlessly scroll through Facebook just to remember that my account had been deactivated and I was logged out of my devices. I’d get a thought or insight into my life (or life in general) and I’d go to my phone to create a post just to be reminded that I wasn’t supposed to create posts. I’d pick up my my journal instead. It was so different but I quickly adjusted and began to like it. A lot of my life has been public since I published my book in 2015. It felt good to keep some goodies to myself. I’ve needed this time to grow and hurt and process in private.
Life became less noisy as I spent time with myself and stopped involving myself unnecessarily in the lives of others. I found wisdom from the Bible. One of my go-to verses has been I Thesssalonians 4:11. It says, “And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you;” For the first time in a long time I started to see the difference between the burdens and issues I was supposed to be concerned with and those that had nothing (or very little) to do with me. It’s like God was calling me to focus on and be consumed with His will for my life. He was challenging me to mind my business of loving Him and loving me. He reminded me that I was more than my life experiences and that I had value. I was His! My life had purpose and I needed to be about my business of walking in my life’s purpose.
God’s words worked. My load is much lighter and I’m doing so much better. I needed to reconnect with God, myself, and the many things I know about how to live life well. I won’t bore you with all the details but the process has been amazing! I’ve started being intentional again about doing things that I love (from burning my favorite candle to discovering new podcasts to starting Michelle Obama’s book to visiting a new restaurant that I’ve had my eye on for years). I even did some work for my second book. I’m getting my life balance back. I’m so thankful. I’m still going through the process. I’m not perfect but I am excited. It’s like exercising again after not exercising for a while. It’s hard to get started but once you do it all comes back. I’m loving it! I’m feeling the burn and I’m gaining emotional, mental and spiritual muscle!
My life is far from perfect. My circumstances haven’t changed. I still have pain and life is really, really challenging and unpredictable. But I’ve stopped long enough to reconnect with the good parts. I’ve made being happy a priority. One of the first thoughts God gave me during this journey of taking time to rest was “It’s not about feeling happy. It’s about being happy.” Yassss!!! Happiness isn’t magic it’s intentionally living beyond the pain of life. It’s reaching beyond what feels so heavy and insurmountable and creating a life that you love. Being happy is a continual journey. You and I have to continue to seek and create it. It is possible.
I hope you’ll connect with me here. Let’s journey through life together! I’ll continue to share my process of living life well and my journey of hope and healing. I hope you’ll join the conversation.
How has 2020 been for you? Have you made any personal or life discoveries?
Feel free to comment and share your journey with me.