I used to think that as long as I was smiling and things appeared to be going well all was well. I don’t believe that anymore. My smile didn’t keep me from breaking. It definitely wasn’t my smile that restored me after every part of my life came crashing down.
Honesty brought me through. Admitting that I wasn’t okay and that I wasn’t strong enough to continue pretending made so much difference. Looking in the mirror and believing what I saw within ME is what saved my life. I stopped running. I stopped hiding. I stopped pretending. I just was. I was broken. I was shattered. I was lost. I was hurt. I was angry. I was at my breaking point. I had to admit all of that. I had to stop trying to be perfect and just be me — flawed yet worthy of a good life. What a weight lifted off! Oh my goodness! I love it.
Being in crisis caused me to change and start focusing on surviving. I had to figure out what was real and what wasn’t. I had to hold tightly to my truth. I couldn’t care about my image, maintaining a facade, or worrying about what people thought about me. None of those things were important anymore. They couldn’t save me or my life.
Walking away from the LIES that I told myself was painful yet POWERFUL. I was finally in control of my mind. Walking away from trying to reach perfection allowed me to find a start to the journey of hope and healing. It made room for me to focus on what mattered — getting my life right. I’m so glad that I started this journey. I’m so glad I became more than a pretty face. I decided to no longer be a victim of abuse, suicide and depression. I wanted more. I wanted something real. I wanted a connection with me. I wanted to enjoy my life. I wanted to wake up without dread.
Mission accomplished ✔
My methods are phenomenal and they create real results; but I’m not necessarily special (I mean I am special, beautifully created and specifically designed for greatness. But I digress.). I’m human just like you. I miss the mark and I succeed. I make mistakes. I reach goals and then other times I don’t. I hurt and I heal. I reach breaking points. I just refuse to break. I break through!
You, too, can break through. You can make it. You are more capable and more strong than you realize. You might fall down but you can get up. You may have made a bad decision. You don’t have to repeat it. Perhaps life is really hard — beyond hard. Please don’t give up. You can survive this season just like you survived the ones before it. Your decision to make it through is powerful. Your ability to choose is life-changing. You have more power in your hands than you can sometimes see. I’m rooting for you.
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Sometimes I wish I had an eraser. I wish I could undo all the damage. I wish I could go back and not have experienced all the abuse of my past. With all the healing and all the time that’s gone by I still suffer. I still have intense moments. I still have scars. I have memories. Reruns of my past flash through my head. I’m sometimes suspicious, often checking people’s motives to make sure I’m not being played, abused or manipulated.
At times, there is a narrative in my head that tells me that I’m damaged goods of some sort. I know it’s a lie but it doesn’t change what I feel. I ask God why I had to go through so much pain to become the woman I am today. Why couldn’t I have gotten here some easier way? Why couldn’t the lessons be learned sooner? In fact, why couldn’t I just know the information without the painful life experiences? I ask these questions a lot always coming to the same conclusion.
I am strong, fierce, worthy of love, and am so much more than the unfavorable parts of my past. I am power. I am hope. I am love. I embody healing. Despite my past I shine! Despite the negative things I’ve been told or once believed about myself, I can see so many positives. That’s supernatural because it defies logic. My faith has been challenged but I still believe. I believe in God, His sovereignty, omnipotent power and love for me. I believe in me. I believe in my future. I believe in healing. I’m a witness that devastation isn’t a final destination.
I have found happiness and a love for myself. I admit that it is because of my past. Perhaps further along my journey it’ll be despite my past. I fight hard to maintain a clear sight of my worth. I remind myself that I’m not what happened to me. I’m who I have chosen to be. There are times when I feel like I am what has happened. My emotions blind me to how far I’ve come. They show me my life through an altered perception of reality. The truth is that I’m dedicated to fighting my demons so I can stay on the path of self-discovery, purpose, passion and progress. I believe.
I’ve always promised my followers honesty. It’s the same thing I give to my clients and to any audience that hears me speak. It’s my truth that keeps me grounded. It’s my truth that reminds me of the courage and the strength I possess. I don’t ignore my pain. I don’t ignore my past. However, I refuse to live my life based on them. I will keep moving forward. I will continue my journey of hope and healing. I will continue to tell my truth to encourage and inspire anyone who’ll listen.
No matter what you have been through there is always the other side. It does gets better. It won’t happen overnight. You won’t always have good days but better days are ahead. Staying connected to your truth and refusing to get lost or stuck in it is one of your greatest tools. Use it. Face your problems. Own your struggles. They don’t make you weak. Knowing the opposition is an advantage. Knowing where you’re vulnerable will give you an added source of strength.
You’ve got this! 💪🏾💜
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I had a birthday! I am super excited to be alive and be able to celebrate the life that I’m living. I’m amazed at how time has brought about so much change. My life is quite complex and sometimes I get overwhelmed; but no matter what I face, I always come through. I’m grateful to consistently be able to evolve and enjoy the process.
I thought about being extra secretive but I guess I’ll spill the beans. I made 34!!! I’m proud of every year that I’ve lived. There was a time when I didn’t want to live. I was extremely suicidal. There was a time when I wanted to live but didn’t know how to live. There were times when I just existed. But now I get to live with purpose and passion. I go through a lot of struggles physically and emotionally but as each year passes I get stronger. I learn how to fight against negativity. I’m learning how to talk to myself in a nicer way. I’m super hard on myself and I have been consciously working to love on me a little bit more. Getting older has been a privilege. Gaining wisdom along the way is an added bonus. I’m grateful. 😁
I love thriving. I love refusing to allow my circumstances to dictate who I am and what I’m capable of doing. I love rising above my fears. I love to experience deeper levels of healing. I love having hope. I love being able to LOVE! I used to be so bitter. I am enjoying my journey and my relationship with God. He keeps me grounded. I love standing tall and being full of expectation.
My life has been hard but my heart is soft. I was once shattered but now I am whole. There are scars of abuse that I carry with me but I am constantly mending the wounds and soothing the parts of me that are sore. With each step forward there is a reward.
Choosing to survive any obstacle has a lot to do with willingness. We have to be willing to face the pain. We have to be willing to stop running. We have to be willing to be honest and admit what hurts and why it hurts. Surviving any obstacle requires our willingness to be uncomfortable sometimes. Surviving requires us to be in the moment. Often the moment isn’t pretty. The moment might not be or look like what we want but it’s our truth. Surviving is about owning our personal truths. Owning them in the sense of not ignoring them. Once we own them and we are staring them dead in the face we can deal with them. 💪🏾
Happy Birthday to me!!! I’m still here! My God, I can’t believe it. I’m so humbled that God would love me and heal me and use me to inspire others. I’m honored to be a vessel of hope. I’m grateful that I get to embody and reflect the love He has for every one of us. I am a miracle! I am a survivor. I am one who THRIVES. I am a daughter of Christ — a champion, a warrior of love. 💜
My prayer and wish for you is that you live a life of hope. Happiness is real. Good things really do happen for good people. There is life after abuse. There are still good people left in this world. Even with your scars and wounds and difficult past YOU are so beautiful. The unimaginable is still possible. I believe in you. I’m rooting for you.
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Trauma changes people.
Trauma changed me.
Emotional abuse in my childhood sent me spiraling into a deep depression and I became suicidal. Later on, an abusive relationship in my adulthood shattered my heart and broke my spirit. I lost myself and I became disconnected from passion and purpose. My mind was fractured and I became a shell of myself. I hid in embarrassment. I was drowning in shame. I felt destroyed. I was angry and bitter at the world, at men, and at God.
Today, I am no longer shattered. I have taken my pain and I’ve given it a voice. I speak hope because I have found hope. I stopped running from my pain and instead I faced it. I looked it in the eye and I chose to no longer be afraid of it. I chose to move forward. I chose a journey of hope and healing. Today, I speak to the wounded, the broken, abused, and the lost. I share my story of finding myself and finding peace. I still have struggles. There are mental and emotional scars. I have flashbacks. I get triggered. I still cry when I remember the pain. They’re tears that I shed for the younger, naive, wounded me. But I celebrate my victories. I hold my head up despite any feelings of shame, frustration, regret or defeat. I know that I didn’t deserve abuse. I understand that my abuser wanted power and control over me. I’m in love with the fact that in the end he lost. I am not my experience. My experience has played a role in shaping me into a phenomenally strong and loving woman. I’m proud. My scars tell a story of a victim who became a warrior who fought a battle against evil and won.
Embracing truth was a huge part of my healing process. I had to accept the facts. I had to come to terms with what I had gone through and accept the truth that it wasn’t because I was stupid and dumb. I fell in love with the wrong person. I had to realize that it wasn’t the end of my life. I would consistently rehearse to myself the truth that I was beautiful, powerful, capable, smart and deserving of all things good. I had to remind myself daily that I had a right to love and happiness. I had a right to a relationship that wasn’t centered around chaos. I discovered who I was and I fell in love with me!
In order to move forward I had to choose to believe the truth that love didn’t hurt me — my fiancé did. I was afraid and had become very skeptical of people. It took a while, but once again I realized that love was real and that good people still existed. The world hadn’t failed me. People as a whole hadn’t failed me. I had a painful and unfortunate experience but I survived. I made it! I faced my truth and learned how to accept it. Eventually, I stopped playing my abuse over and over in my mind. I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I broke free from living life as a victim. I fight to stay free.
I celebrate the fact that I’m a warrior and a survivor. I love that I have learned to thrive. I got my fire back! I possess a bright light within my soul. I have a new love and appreciation for God. He never left. He came through right on time. I’m thankful that I’m here to tell somebody that there is hope. You can make it! Your story may be bleak but it’s not over. Rise up. Speak up. Show up and fight for the good life you deserve. It’s yours.
There is life after abuse. It’s not always easy but you can find your new rhythm. There is hope. Rebuilding and healing takes time. The joy is truly in the journey and the process. Recovery isn’t about being who you once where. Recovery is about becoming well and healthy. It’s about moving forward and refusing to be stagnant. It’s about remembering and crying and healing all over again. Sometimes the breakthroughs are massive and other times they’re small. They are breakthroughs nonetheless.
Perhaps you’re in recovery. Perhaps you’re experiencing abuse. Maybe you’re preparing to leave or you are creating a safety plan because you’ve chosen to stay. I am rooting for you. I believe in you. You are capable of being in control of your life. My wish is that you always choose you and seek what’s best for your life.
I’d love to chat with you and help you decide what you want your next step to be. 15 minutes with me are completely FREE! Simply visit my services page on my website and request to schedule a session with me. I also offer 60-minute sessions.
I have marching orders.
I love encouragement and motivation. I thrive on it. I crave it. Without it, I easily sink into the black whole of depression. It grabs me and puts me in a headlock making me feel powerless. I have to stay on top of the negative moments and unfavorable circumstances in my life so that I don’t give in to hopelessness.
I’ve learned to be my #1 cheerleader and motivator. It keeps me in control and centered. It allows me to focus on my goal of moving forward. I don’t wait on anyone else to encourage me. I work to keep myself pumped. On top of all of this, I stay connected to my why. I don’t want to ever simply exist again. I want to walk in purpose and live with intention. Being in charge of my journey helps.
What is marching forward?
Marching forward is refusing to remain stagnant. It’s the opposite of going backward. It is not always big steps or gigantic breakthroughs. Moving forward looks different for each individual. Moving forward is doing what it takes to create a goal and then choosing to work towards it. Moving forward is sometimes sitting still and processing the next step after a setback. Moving forward is reaching out for help. It’s being frustrated but refusing to give up. Sometimes it’s crying. Other times it’s looking for reasons to laugh when life is extremely sad. Moving forward is acknowledging your emotions and not allowing them to control you. Moving forward is dedication to living the best life possible. Moving forward is a decision. It’s being intentional. Moving forward is embracing truth and refusing to accept lies.
Men can march forward, too!
Women aren’t the only ones capable of moving forward. Men are also capable of marching toward their goals. The menfolk (as I lovingly refer to them in my book, MsMissy Speaks,) have a special place in my heart. Men suffer a lot emotionally and mentally without much support or many healthy outlets. Society has convinced men that they have to have super strength and that only women and little girls can cry. I need men to know that in order for you to march forward you’re going to have to shed some tears. Maybe not literally but perhaps internally. You’re going to have to face your truth and your emotions. You’re going to have to sit with your feelings of sadness and confront depression and feelings inferiority. You are strong because you were created to be strong. Not because you follow a set of rules that’s been set by society. You are strong when you are in control of yourself and your reactions. You are strong when you are willing to make and be responsible for your own decisions. You are strong when you take your obstacles and allow them to build within you mature characteristics and internal strength of character.
You don’t have to be a superhero.
You’re human. It’s normal to get tired, stumble, lose focus, and feel like giving up sometimes. There is nothing wrong with you. People lose their way and get in funks. There are moments when it’s hard to pick yourself up and be the joyful cheerleader that you need. You will fall down but you don’t have to stay down. You can find your way forward on your journey. You can make it just by being you!
My hope is that everyone would commit to a journey forward. Whether it’s during the month of March or any other month of the year. My prayer is that you would fight for truth and refuse to live your life according to myths and lies, feelings of insufficiency or past failure. Live for you. Live for your health and happiness. Live a life that’s meaningful that you can enjoy. Live with intention. Move with purpose.
I am hosting a virtual event on Thursday, March 28, 2019 at 8:00 p.m. CST. It’s a great follow up to this blog post. Click the following link for more information and to register: Breaking up with Fairy Tales: Accepting Your Reality and Finding Happy after All.