Gone Somewhere and Sit Down
One of the hardest things for some of us to do is rest. Even if we appear to be physically still our minds, hearts, and spirits are running. I am one one of those people.
It has taken me all of my life so far to figure this out. Me and rest haven’t been well acquainted. Although I have spent a lot of time in the bed (due to chronic illness) I have spent very little time resting.
During my 3-month hiatus, at the beginning of this year, I continued my search deep within myself and made important discoveries: I’m not comfortable being me. I critique and criticize my every move. I’m obsessed with “getting it right” and obtaining some concocted standard of perfection. Honestly, most of this wasn’t news to me. However, the severity of the matter is what I began to see so clearly.
I am more happy and more at peace than I have ever been. Awareness is powerful. Acting on awareness is power. I love the direction I’m growing in and my roots are sinking deeply in the soil of self-acceptance. I’m learning to sit with myself without nitpicking and trying to fix me. I’m enjoying simply loving on me.
Before I got to this point I experienced deep sadness and a longing for more. I wanted more laughter, more love, more connection with others and myself, more peace, more rest, more hope, more healing. MORE.
So I went after it by running to rest and stillness.
Yep. You read that right. I ran to a more simple, more focused way of thinking and processing my life. I had to begin the process of detaching from thoughts, beliefs, and habits that no longer serve me. I have had to continually shed fear, lies, obsessions, and the tendency to support and show up for everyone but me.
Every so often we need these seasons. We need to walk away from what’s not working and what’s hindering us from truly living our best lives. I’m determined to do so. I have fought too hard to survive abuse, depression, and chronic illness to allow my inability to rest to take me out.
I am learning a lot about rest and quietness. I’m finding it to be the art of only doing what is necessary. It has been such a beautiful and transforming experience. I’m in a season of learning how to just ‘be’. I love details and I can analyze any and every thang (I have a psychology degree after all). Sitting still mentally and emotionally and not allowing myself to overthink and overanalyze my thoughts, emotions, and actions has resulted in me being and feeling more settled, rested, less conflicted, and more connected with me.
I’m doing the work and it’s paying off.
I’m also getting closer to God. I grew up knowing about Him; but now I see Him for myself. My relationship with God is becoming more personal and is becoming less affected by external sources. I’m also sitting still in His presence so I can hear from and be filled by Him.
I’m still exploring the concept of rest, restoration, stillness, quiet, and self-acceptance. I have a lot to learn and I’m so glad that I’m enjoying the journey. Life is meant to be enjoyed. I’m understanding more and more that enjoying life requires flexibility and the ability to release and let go of what it isn’t important – the things that don’t matter. Some things can be released permanently while others just for a space of time. Taking that time to pause, release or reset is so important. It doesn’t take anything away from us. It simply makes opportunity for us to clarify or simply our life.
What are your thoughts or feelings regarding rest? What important discovery have you made about yourself?
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to share them with me in the comments or send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.