It’s Not Fair

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said the words, ‘it’s not fair’. More importantly, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve realized that life isn’t supposed to be fair. It’s full of ups and downs. Life is full of deserved and undeserved moments. It’s not about fairness. It’s about the journey. It’s about growing and learning and hoping and being present. It’s about embracing our truth. It’s about knowing, discovering and understanding life and love. Life is about happiness and contentment.

A few nights ago, a childhood friend was killed. She lost her life through gun violence. A hard-working mother and wife who didn’t deserve to die. It’s not fair. As I reflect on this tragedy, I also can’t help but think about who she was. It’s impossible to forget her character, her smile, and her warmth while thinking about her death. Although this experience is painful for her family and friends, if forces us to reflect on all the goodness of who she was. I am saddened by the loss but I find myself smiling when I reflect on the memories.


Life doesn’t come with a rulebook. It doesn’t come with guarantees. It does come with innumerable opportunities to find hope, peace, positivity and power. We have so many opportunities to rise up despite the circumstances. Life will demand that we cry. It will demand sadness. It will demand seasons of loss and loneliness. We will experience brokenness. But life also allows for laughter and friendship. Success and gain. Strength and tenacity. I choose to celebrate the balance. It’s not fair but it’s real. It’s something we can count on. Life will never give all bad. We will have good. There will be beautiful moments. We just have to be open to them.

In my personal life, I have been extremely challenged. I’m not at my worst but I’m not at my best. Physically, my energy is so low. I have faced discouragement professionally, and emotionally, there have been many rocky days. I have lost friendships and life has demanded that I grow in areas where I was so comfortable. In the midst of my challenges, I see an opportunity to soar. I didn’t ask for it. Some days I wonder if I really want it. When you’re being stretched and pushed out of your comfort zone, through means such as pain, loss and separation, it makes you want to reject the process. It’s hard to appreciate it when the process is so painful. Once again, we can easily think that it’s not fair. But I’ve been through seasons like this before. I’ve had dark days. I’m no stranger to disappointment. At the same time, I’m no stranger to miracles. I’ve experienced beautiful growth and maturity that has given me laser focus. I have been healed from the pains of the past and my perspective has shifted to a place of positivity and wellness. So, since I know this, I face the unknown bravely. I stare my pain in the face and I embrace it. I know that on the other side of this difficult climb is a destination that’s worth all the struggle.

Even through my tears, there’s an excitement. I’m ready. I’m willing. I find myself wanting more. I want to be more. I want to be the woman I’m meant to be. I want to be a light in the midst of darkness. I can’t be consumed by my pain. I must allow my pain to propel me forward. I must evolve. I must continue my journey of hope and healing. I’ve come this far and I have not been destroyed. Surely I can go a little further.

You, too, can move forward. You can make it through anything that you face. Your journey may be hard but it doesn’t have to be impossible. πŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺ


Hope Always,



My book, MsMissy Speaks, is available for purchase on my website and at the APS Books and More bookstore in Chicago.


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Posted by

Heyyy!! My name is Melissa. I'm affectionately called Missy. I'm a survivor who has learned to thrive! As one who has overcome depression, suicide, abuse and physical illness, I know that hope is real. Everything that I've been through has been for my good. My struggle helped me to more clearly see me and discover hope, happiness, and purpose.

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