10 years ago in February, I walked away from my fiancé, a man that I loved very much, and a relationship that became extremely toxic and abusive. Before I walked away, I faced the fear that I would never find love again. I was terrified that that would be my only chance to be married. I had told a lot of people that I was engaged (including all of Facebook). My wedding dress was ordered and all my bridesmaids had been chosen. I was in the process of becoming a bride, someone I had always wanted to be. Despite those fears, I took the plunge and walked away from unhappiness and an unhealthy environment.
Today, after a decade of being single, experiencing situationships, marriage proposals, crushes, secret admirers, not-so-secret admirers, etc.; I find myself still without the love I deserve and desire. There’s a sadness on the inside sometimes; yet, I have hope. In the midst of my questions, and the obvious, that I’m still without my husband, I choose faith. I have shared my story of walking away and now I must share my story of living with that decision.
I do not regret walking away at all. However, it’s not always easy to find myself still alone after so many years have passed. I’m grateful that the years haven’t just passed but I have developed as an individual and I have experienced so much healing. I am grateful to be where I am. I would not have chosen this route but this route has been a blessing in disguise.
To those of you who are looking for love or who want to deepen the love you have, I encourage you to hold on. I encourage you to maintain the faith and the willingness to grow, mature and become a better version of yourself. Although my happily ever after hasn’t happened YET I believe that someday it will. I have those little doubts that creep up and those little fears that echo in the back of my mind; but what keeps me is that I’m genuinely happy. If I never marry, my life is still full. If I never become a wife, I still have purpose (and lots of sass). If I never have a family of my own, I have already found love and wholeness. I share this with you because I know that I’m not alone. I need you to know that you are not by yourself. Lean on me.
Regardless of what you are facing, don’t be ashamed of your story. Don’t be ashamed of who you are. Every single obstacle and every blessing has shaped and molded you into the person and vessel that you are today. Stand up with pride. Hold your head up high. Speak up and speak out. Someone needs to hear your story.
Because I’m a professional Author, Speaker and Life and Relationship Coach, there’s a pressure to be perfect. When I first shared my memoir in 2015, I talked about breaking away from the need for perfection. When you’re in the limelight and you have followers and people who look to you as an expert, it’s easy to get caught in the trap of trying to be their everything and be a perfect example. I’m human. I still make mistakes. I still make poor choices sometimes. However, I’m more in tune with why I make those choices and I’m able to learn from them instead of running and hiding from them. As a Coach, I’ve learned that people need objective insight and counsel. We get lost in our own heads and we get influenced by our emotions; and sometimes, we can’t see or accept logic.
Being MsMissy keeps me humble. When I stepped out and shared my story, and became vulnerable and open with the world, I didn’t transform into an angel. I didn’t transform into a robot. I stayed the same person at heart just a wiser and stronger version. I have had to continue to understand that I’m going to make mistakes. I’m not going to be perfect. It helps me stay relatable to my clients. I’m not on some high level looking down on everyone beneath me. Yes, I have gained wisdom and understanding. Yes, I have learned tricks and tips to overcoming depression and suicide and abuse. But at the end of the day there is still humanity and a past that I have to deal with. I’ve become a survivor. I represent those who feel that they have no voice. And yet, sometimes, I need someone to be my voice. I have triggers. I have had nightmares about my past. Being MsMissy means that I have overcome my past in such a way that it doesn’t run my life. I’m grateful for that.
I don’t regret stepping out. I do regret some of the time I’ve spent trying to be like other brands. However, my journey is what it is. The way you start often isn’t the way you finish, anyway. We change. We evolve. We learn. I’m still in the early stages of my Ministry. I have more work to do. I don’t want to forget that the things I’ve learned don’t make me better than anyone else. I may have more useful tools than others but we’re all fighting similar battles. We need one another. I need my community and I’m blessed to have them. I don’t live a selfish life. I give. I don’t always get from those I give to but I always get what I need from someone, somewhere and somehow. Life is truly a circle. You get what you put out. If you put out selfishness, spitefulness and bitterness you’re going to get all of those things back. When you put out hope and healing and openness you receive those things back. My journey is indescribable. I have taken some time to try to break it down for my readers and my community. I’ve wanted people to understand that becoming a survivor and a warrior is not something that happens overnight. It’s a continual process. But you can’t do it by yourself. You need accountability. You need honesty. You need willingness to fall down and get back up a thousand times or more. You need to be committed to not going back — not back to negative behaviors, unhealthy relationships, or unhealthy emotional and mental habits.
There’s so much more that I can say but I will end with this. God chose me for the life that I live. He could have protected me from the pains of my past. He could have stopped the evil forces that made my life a living hell. He could have changed my circumstances. But he didn’t. Had I not experienced everything that’s in my past, I would not be the woman I am today. I could not reach the people that I positively influence. I am thankful for every pain. I have been blessed by every rejection. There is no dream, trigger, memory or emotion that can take away the fact that I am no longer the person I once was. To God be the glory!
Hope Always ,
My book, MsMissy Speaks, is available for purchase on my website and at the APS Books and More bookstore in Chicago.