I’m honored to be alive. I’m humbled that God would spare my life. I was a preteen convinced that suicide was my only way out. I couldn’t see any other option. I was broken and depleted. I was suffering in silence. Depression was consuming me at a rapid pace and no one knew. If I’d had it my way, I’d be gone.
But God. He stepped in and saved me when I was over life and no longer wanted to be a part of the living. He eventually gave me a reason to live. God loved on and was so patient with me. What a blessing!
I wish I could say that my life was beautiful after God saved me but it wasn’t.
It was better but I lived with depression for all of my teen years. I eventually stopped wanting to die but I wasn’t really living. I genuinely loved God but I wasn’t thriving. I was barely surviving, just going through a bunch of motions.
After becoming disabled and going through an extremely abusive relationship in my 20’s, I reached a fork in the road. Either I would slip back into a deep depression or I was gonna get up and fight for a life worth living. I chose to fight and in the process I finally discovered real happiness. My God! I’m so glad that I lived to LIVE.
How did I do it? I got tired of being a victim. I got tired of just barely existing. I was over pretending that everything was fine. I longed for something real. I wanted to not only smile on the outside but the inside. I had had enough. I wanted to live. I wanted a life beyond my sick bed. There was a longing within me for something more than the mundane life that I was living. I also realize that it was God who nudged me. He woke me up to the idea of going beyond my pain. He pushed me to purpose.
So, I started my journey of hope and healing. I don’t regret it. I’m in my 30’s now and my life has been full of amazing surprises. I’m in awe of how far I’ve come. I still suffer with depression. I’m still physically disabled but I’m living. I’m not suffering in secret. I’m not trying to make it on my own. I have created a support circle that includes a therapist, family, and friends. Baby, it works!
Depression bullies me. It tells me that I don’t matter but I know that I do. Depression tells me that my life will always be doom and gloom and I’ll never get beyond my emotional struggles but I prove it wrong. I take time to heal. I connect with myself. I stay true to myself. I have learned how to say no when needed. I ask for help when I’m struggling. I have learned to put my wellness and happiness first. I don’t always know how to do that but I do know that I’m not interested in living for or trying to please people. If I’m not happy, I find a solution. If I can’t fix my circumstance, I find a way to positively interpret it so that I can cope. I’m important. I do whatever it takes to be happy.
Depression is sneaky and it gets me down at times but I do not stay there. It’s not worth it. I can’t afford to miss out on an opportunity to live life to the fullest. I’m always working toward being my best. This journey takes work but most of all it takes honesty and consistent commitment. Choosing to live a life that’s worth living has to become a way of life.
If you are struggling with depression, please don’t struggle alone. You don’t have to and it’s not worth it. Battles are always harder when one is fighting alone. Enlarge your army. Increase your armor. Create a battle plan. You can’t be out here freestyling. Depression ain’t no joke. But guess what? You ain’t no punk. I know because you’re here, reading these words.
Depression is real. Depression is ugly. Depression makes you feel very lonely. Depression is strong and is often underestimated; but Depression CAN be beaten.
I’m ready to help you fight. You have to be willing to fight. You have to be willing to do whatever it takes to live your best life for real. Forget all that phony mess. You can get to know and actually like who you are. You can find hope and experience healing. You are capable no matter how many times you have heard that you aren’t. You can reject the lies.
Life gets hectic and there is pressure and pain all around us. We are going to feel sadness. We are going to face depression and experience loss. We don’t have to be defined by our feelings or our losses.
I refuse to be less than who I can be. I love the Thrill of the Thrive. I love knowing that I faced a challenge and didn’t allow it to take me out. I’m no robot. I feel hurt and I carry heavy burdens. I make mistakes. I’m not always on top of the world. But I’m not a victim anymore. Been there. Done that. Over it.
All you have to do is take one step. Choose what’s best for you. I’m rooting for ya!
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