One of the things that touches me the most is that so many people don’t realize how much they need help and healing.
I didn’t realize that I was broken and needed help. I knew that something wasn’t right in my life. I knew that I wasn’t happy; but I didn’t know why. I couldn’t put my finger on the source. It took tears, anguish, an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, and a near mental breakdown to wake me up. I was in emergency mode. I was desperate for change. I wanted something better. I still couldn’t put it in words but I knew that the life I was living was less than I deserve. It was less than I wanted. It wasn’t enough. I was tired of being empty. I was tired of feeling used and powerless.
Change came when I started thinking. I stopped living on autopilot and started processing my life. I had to face my pain and my emotions. I stopped ignoring them. I also had to stop hoping for better and start doing better. I was stuck in the mode of hoping for miraculous change. I was hoping for things to one day become different. I was hoping that one day the pain would stop. I was waiting on magic miracles instead of actively participating in my life change. I had a victim mindset. I saw life as things that happened to me. I didn’t see the role I played. It took time and has been a process; but I’ve learned to get in the driver’s seat of my life.
Here are some things to consider:
1. Take time to THINK about your life
2. Ask and answer the tough questions
3. Evaluate relationships
4. Discover what makes you happy
5. Find ways to be in control and live on your terms
I understand that this list may look overwhelming. Let me break it down a bit.
Some of us are so busy that we just go throughout the day on autopilot. We don’t really think about how we are being affected by our decisions. We don’t necessarily think about whether or not the decisions we make are really in our best interest. A lot of us are looking out for our husbands, wives, significant others, children, employers, clients, our church congregation, etc. I understand. We have legitimate responsibilities. if you are burned out, I’m happy, in abusive relationships and living a life of less then then you are not fully giving these people your best. Because you are shortchanging yourself, you shortchange them.
Denial is a killer. It can kill hopes, dreams and potential. Denial doesn’t allow you to be in the game. It doesn’t allow you to have correct focus. You are distracted by lies and can’t realize the truth. You owe it to yourself to tell yourself the truth. This is your life. This is your heart, blood pressure, mental health and emotional well-being. You have to take care of who you are at the core. If you are hurt, acknowledge it. Fighting depression? Get help. Unhappy in your relationship? Confess it. Stop making excuses. Stop lying to yourself and drinking the kool-aid. Who said you had to stay there? Who said you had to put up with something that disturbs you? Who said you couldn’t be human and admit when you are in a struggle? Whoever told you, they lied.
When it comes to relationships, there is one simple question that can really set you free. Does this person add to my life? It’s that simple. Accept the answer. You don’t have to make it pretty. You don’t have to dress it up. Just accept the truth. If a (person) relationship has you second-guessing your worth or second-guessing your capabilities it’s not healthy. If you have become dependent on a (person) relationship, it is not healthy. Your individuality should be strengthened. You, as a person, should be in a better place. You should not be in a state of confusion. You should not be in a state of misery. You should not be in a place of not knowing if you’re coming or going. Healthy relationships don’t produce emotional roller coasters or merry-go-rounds. There are highs and lows in any relationship. But any time the lows drop you so low that you forget and lose sight of who you are, the relationship is not healthy.
Here’s the fun part! Make a mental (and sometimes literal) note of what makes you happy. If you love staring out the window, watching birds, make a note of that. If you love being around children, make a note of that. If you like going for long walks, make a note of that. For some people, going for ice cream, going grocery shopping alone, or sitting outside in the backyard makes them happy. Look for the little things that bring you Joy and then do more of them.
Another exciting journey is learning how to recognize things that you have control over. Life is so unpredictable and there are many things that are outside of our control but there are even more we have a say so about! We get to control whether or not we live in the moment. We get to choose the thoughts that we allow to play in our minds on repeat. We control our mood. We are in control of our expectations. We are in control of how often we choose to laugh and have fun. We choose who gets an intimate seat in our lives. We can choose to walk away from abuse and misuse. We are powerful. We do have control over certain aspects of life. I’m not teaching you a theory that I heard. I’m teaching you my lifestyle. It works!
I’m always excited about sharing the tips and tricks that I’ve learned on my journey of hope and healing. Follow me on social media @MomentsWMissy or Moments with Missy to receive more inspiration. Schedule a FREE consultation with me today to explore your specific needs and options. Contact me today.
Welcome to December! The last month of the year and what could possibly be your BEST MONTH. It’s never too late to make a change.
(1) Take some time to think about your life. Are you happy? What do you want to change? What do you want to keep the same? You have the power to do so.
(2) Who are you? What are the things that genuinely make you happy? What are the things that you like and dislike? Get to know you.
(3) In what ways did you connect with people this year? How do you want to connect with people next year? Do you have the type of relationships that add to your life or do they take away? You decide.
These are the type of questions that help get our minds going thinking and reflecting. It’s the end of the year and although I have no magic pills or potions, there are some helpful tips I’d like to share with you.
I’m a fighter. I fight negativity, oppression and anything else the enemy has designed to defeat me. I love the Thrill of the THRIVE. I love the results of refusing to cower to life’s blows. I’m human and I hurt. I experience disappointment, loneliness and pain. I face depression and battle feelings of defeat. I’m not immune to struggle. I just now know how to survive it.
I want you to survive, too. I want you to live a life worth living. My hope for you is that you know that you aren’t alone and that you live a life of hope, happiness and fulfillment. You deserve it!
Get ready. The best is yet to come!
Hope Always ,
So what happens when the woman who empowers the world needs empowerment? She turns to God. She turns to friends. She turns to writing. She gives her pain a voice, an outlet. She holds tighter than ever to hope and pushes back against fear and doubt. She will rehearse the many other times when things worked out. She remembers the numerous times she overcame every obstacle. She chooses to be still, to trust in God. She chooses to believe in the things she can’t see. She trusts the process. She trusts in herself. She closes her eyes and says a prayer, asking for strength to maintain focus and peace. She believes that God hears her. She believes that she deserves all the blessings He wants to give. She chooses faith over fear, hope over dismay. She believes in tomorrow and all the possibilities it brings.
I’m that woman, and sometimes, it’s hard to be her. Sometimes, my sorrow feels almost suffocating. The weight of my responsibility and the great of the unknown almost seem too much to bear. The journey I’m on is sometimes lonely. So often, I find that no one has the answers. I’m forced to wait, to not know. It’s a complex journey but a well-rewarded one. I am constantly growing, discovering, healing, and maturing. I consistently learn valuable lessons from my past and gain insight on how to not repeat the less favorable parts. I’m learning to trust God on a another level. I’m learning a new kind of peace. The peace the Bible talks about – peace that passes all understanding. I am blessed.
The difficulty? The process. Trusting the process. The moments of my journey when I’m at my weakest, when I feel tired and unsure how to continue forward. When I have more questions than answers. The distractions that try to take my focus off of where I’m going. The temptation to not look at the big picture. I know that I should trust the process: ignore the excess chatter and focus on what matters most. It’s become my default solution. It’s just not always the easiest solution. But that’s how this woman lives. I know that it can be done.
I’m a product of trusting the process. My life is what it is because I learned the value of letting go and believing that what’s meant to be will be. I have learned so much from knowing so little. My painful moments have produced in me a strength that runs deep. I refuse to work backwards. I refuse to return to a life of sadness and hopelessness. I fight against allowing my emotions and my memories to control me and dictate my quality of life. I have fought too hard to allow my destination to be depression, bitterness, covetousness, and loss of will to thrive. God Almighty made me a Survivor. There is no pain, no loneliness, no task or ministry too great that He can’t lead me safely through and toward. God is omnipotent. God is holy. He is perfect. My future is in His hand. As I have survived my past, He will help me survive my present and safely reach my future.
How does a woman of faith come face to face with discouragement and fear and walk away unscathed? She’s a warrior that has learned to fight and win. She has trained, many days for the difficult moments. She has a willingness and determination to be better and do better. She has a healthy sense of Great Expectations.
That woman is me. I am strong. I am capable. I am God’s. Even when life is far from perfect and I’m surrounded by uncertainty and fear, there is a fire of hope that burns inside me, assuring me that everything will be okay. I am proud to be that woman. I hurt. Sometimes the pain is so intense that I break down and cry. I sometimes feel afraid and alone. I face disappointment. But I always find something better, later on, than I could have ever imagined.
I’ve accomplished a lot and have attempted so much more. I’m resilient. I’m strong. I’m a sassy. That’s me. I’m in love with who I am, although it took pain and some regret to get here. I’m proud of the tenacity with which I live my life. I’m grateful to no longer be a victim. I have become my hero.
I won’t pretend to have it all together. I don’t. But I understand me. I know what I want. Every day, I work to maintain the life that I live. I work to maintain my happiness. I got rid of hate, anger, resentment and shame. I broke free from fear’s dictating hold. I accepted my truth and my life changed. I found freedom and liberation when I stopped hiding from my wounds, my mistakes, abuse and shame. I made my healing and wellness priorities in my life. I chose to live for me and my happiness. I’m so grateful. I’m so humbled.
The tricks and tips I’ve learned, I now share. Not because I think I have all of the answers; but because I want you to live your best life. I want my community (my tribe) to know that they aren’t alone. I want you to be aware that there is always something better around the corner and that your circumstances don’t define you. Present situations don’t have to dictate your future. Every thing that you face can work for your good if you let it.
Find out more about my story and how I transformed my life in my book, MsMissy Speaks. Click here for more information.
previously published on blog.momentswithmissy.com on September 21, 2016
When you get lost, what do you do? Do you ask someone for directions? Do you roam around until you figure it out and eventually find your way to your destination? Do you get frustrated and pull over to the side, to look at a map? Do you call that trusted individual who knows their way around anywhere? Maybe you pray and ask God to give you wisdom to understand the directions you’ve already been given. What do you do? More importantly, what are your results? Do you make it to your destination?
The concept of being physically lost holds true for being lost in life. At some point, everyone gets lost. Everyone has experienced not knowing where they are and being unsure if they’ll get where they need to be. We have all experienced the frustration of not understanding the directions we’ve been given or the frustration of not being given directions at all. Some of us reach out to others for help. Some of us try to sort things out on our own. Some of us pray. Some of us are too proud to ask for help. Too scared to ask the stranger along the way for guidance. So where does that leave us? What are the results? Do we get to our destination? Do we give up and go back home.? Do we even know how to get home?
We question if the trip was worth it. We question if the people we ask directions of know what they’re talking about. We question if we have enough gas to take us where we’re going. We question if the areas we travel through are safe. We feel fear. We get frustrated and often experience anger. And definitely, we are tempted to give up on our journey. But I think the more important question is whether or not we are serious about where it is we’re trying to go. What are we willing to do to reach our destination?
The Journey of Life is a complicated one. Sometimes we know exactly where we’re going, we’re familiar with what’s around us and things go quite smoothly. Other times, we are lost and uncertain. We don’t have answers and we are confused about what our next move should be. We can’t be afraid to ask for direction. To seek out the answers we need to make it to our what and why. We must find and focus on our purpose – what matters. We can’t be afraid to be vulnerable and to let people know when we need their help.
I have had to learn, by being lost in life, how to seek out help. My nature is one in which I will struggle and struggle and struggle to find out the answers on my own. I hate to give up. I hate to appear weak. I hate to have not figured out the answer and someone else come along and point it out so easily. I would do everything I could before I involved someone else. I’m still very independent and I love a good challenge; but I am now very quick to ask for help. I now realize that spinning my wheels is a waste of time and energy. I’m quick to express when I’m frustrated and will ask for help with matters that are too difficult for me. Why waste time? Why do something on my own when God has provided so many to offer direction?
I’ve learned the value of being lost. Usually, when I am lost and unsure, it is an opportunity to learn. I have learned so much because I have sought out insight and wisdom from others. I have gained beautiful relationships with trustworthy, mature, solid individuals. I have become less preoccupied with how I’m seen by others and more concerned with what I’m doing, where I’m going and the state I’m in when I get there. In simple terms, I have grown up.
We have to set aside our pride and our fear and make the quality of our lives important. I understand that people will betray your trust. I understand that people will give you bad advice and horrible counsel. I have been there. This is why it’s so important to take some time and discover who you are and what it is you want. This helps you to stay centered and focused. When you receive bad directions that contradict who you are, who God wants you to be, and where it is you’re going, you will know not to follow those directions.
Get and stay in tune with you. Learn how to better enjoy your life without being so distracted by what’s going on around you. Ask for help. Get directions when available. But more importantly, commit to your journey. Commit to where you’re going. Commit to being a better version of you. Refuse to waste time wondering around in confusion. Surround yourself with mature, like-minded people. Connect with a mentor and receive wise counsel.
You are in control of your life. You are in control of your decisions. You are powerful and capable of so much more than you realize. Don’t sell yourself short. Don’t forfeit all the blessings and beautiful experiences life has to offer. Do your best to live your best life.
These words have been so liberating. As a published Author and Life oach professional, it’s easy to get caught up in routine and leave some of the spark and spontaneity of writing behind. There are all these rules about what to write, how often one should write, etc. At the end of the day, I want my readers inspired, I want to continue to share my heart and life experiences while maintaining a platform that gives my pain a voice.
Any given day, a number of thoughts go through my head. A range of emotions are felt and so many ideas to further enjoy my passions come to mind. I think about my future, my past and my pain. I contemplate business decisions and consider their financial repercussions. I long for love, marriage and a future with the love of my life. I think about how passionate I am about life, my church, the youth, my family, career and ministry and I wonder if I have time and energy for a husband. I laugh at myself for thinking so deeply and so far into the future.
On any given day, I may struggle. I may cry. I sometimes feel uncertain and unsure. I wonder if I’m capable, if I will fail and if I should even try. And then, on any given day, I find myself trying one more time. My road is rocky. My battle with sickness, depression and the demons of my past are sometimes extremely intense. But I always survive. I always come out on top, more focused and more in tune with how strong I am. I’m reminded of how much I need my support system and how much I benefit from pouring into the lives of all of you.
When I get overwhelmed (which is quite often) I pause and pray; I refocus and recharge. I zoom in on what matters most and what will add to my wellness and quality of life. God is my center; my victories are my reminders; and my past is the buffer that keeps me focused. There are so many things I never want to relive; experiences I refuse to ever have again. I have been broken and I refuse to throw away all the time and effort that went into my mending.
This is my blog. This is my life. I refuse to live it in a box. I refuse to forget to live. Life is my gift, literally. I wanted to take my life. I had lost the desire to live. My pain was choking the life out of me and no one could see. Being alive is my blessing but enjoying my life is my treasure. I have made many leaps and strides forward. There’s no time to go in reverse. No matter how low I feel I refuse to allow it to be my reality.
There is a skill to embracing reality while maintaining hope. There is an art to acceptance. I live in truth, acknowledging what is. Then I look ahead with expectation and hope, looking forward to all the greater things that are in store, not limiting myself to just what I can see. It takes practise. I don’t always get it perfect the first time. But I have survived the storms of life and I’m still smiling. I’m not always happy and I definitely don’t like every circumstance; but my heart is smiling. I smile inside because my life is about more than I can see. It’s about more than materials I could ever possess. My life is about purpose, passion, vision and goals. My life is about overcoming everything I once thought would take me out.
I am a survivor who has learned to THRIVE. I am a survivor who has found out that there is more to life than the shadows and the fears of my past. I carry scars. I have unpleasant dreams. There are triggers that instantly take me back to moments of abuse. But I’m aware. I’m healing; and every day I grow more and more strong. I’m blessed. I’m at peace. I’m confident in my tomorrow. I am loved and I am cared for, deeply. I am God’s child and although I don’t have everything that I want, I have more than enough.
So, like my blog, this is my life and I can write whatever I want. I decide to shine. I decide to believe, to be hopeful, to maintain control. I get to choose the type of life I live, the type of people I allow intimate access to my life and the type of experiences I cultivate. This is my life.
This is your life. You, too, can choose. Of course, you can’t design every moment but you can design the ones that matter most. You can thrive. You can be intentional. You can choose to have fun and make the days count. You can give your pain a voice. You can grow from victim to Victor. It’s your life. What are you writing?