Can’t Put Your Finger on It?
One of the things that touches me the most is that so many people don’t realize how much they need help and healing.
I didn’t realize that I was broken and needed help. I knew that something wasn’t right in my life. I knew that I wasn’t happy; but I didn’t know why. I couldn’t put my finger on the source. It took tears, anguish, an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, and a near mental breakdown to wake me up. I was in emergency mode. I was desperate for change. I wanted something better. I still couldn’t put it in words but I knew that the life I was living was less than I deserve. It was less than I wanted. It wasn’t enough. I was tired of being empty. I was tired of feeling used and powerless.
Change came when I started thinking. I stopped living on autopilot and started processing my life. I had to face my pain and my emotions. I stopped ignoring them. I also had to stop hoping for better and start doing better. I was stuck in the mode of hoping for miraculous change. I was hoping for things to one day become different. I was hoping that one day the pain would stop. I was waiting on magic miracles instead of actively participating in my life change. I had a victim mindset. I saw life as things that happened to me. I didn’t see the role I played. It took time and has been a process; but I’ve learned to get in the driver’s seat of my life.
Here are some things to consider:
1. Take time to THINK about your life
2. Ask and answer the tough questions
3. Evaluate relationships
4. Discover what makes you happy
5. Find ways to be in control and live on your terms
I understand that this list may look overwhelming. Let me break it down a bit.
Some of us are so busy that we just go throughout the day on autopilot. We don’t really think about how we are being affected by our decisions. We don’t necessarily think about whether or not the decisions we make are really in our best interest. A lot of us are looking out for our husbands, wives, significant others, children, employers, clients, our church congregation, etc. I understand. We have legitimate responsibilities. if you are burned out, I’m happy, in abusive relationships and living a life of less then then you are not fully giving these people your best. Because you are shortchanging yourself, you shortchange them.
Denial is a killer. It can kill hopes, dreams and potential. Denial doesn’t allow you to be in the game. It doesn’t allow you to have correct focus. You are distracted by lies and can’t realize the truth. You owe it to yourself to tell yourself the truth. This is your life. This is your heart, blood pressure, mental health and emotional well-being. You have to take care of who you are at the core. If you are hurt, acknowledge it. Fighting depression? Get help. Unhappy in your relationship? Confess it. Stop making excuses. Stop lying to yourself and drinking the kool-aid. Who said you had to stay there? Who said you had to put up with something that disturbs you? Who said you couldn’t be human and admit when you are in a struggle? Whoever told you, they lied.
When it comes to relationships, there is one simple question that can really set you free. Does this person add to my life? It’s that simple. Accept the answer. You don’t have to make it pretty. You don’t have to dress it up. Just accept the truth. If a (person) relationship has you second-guessing your worth or second-guessing your capabilities it’s not healthy. If you have become dependent on a (person) relationship, it is not healthy. Your individuality should be strengthened. You, as a person, should be in a better place. You should not be in a state of confusion. You should not be in a state of misery. You should not be in a place of not knowing if you’re coming or going. Healthy relationships don’t produce emotional roller coasters or merry-go-rounds. There are highs and lows in any relationship. But any time the lows drop you so low that you forget and lose sight of who you are, the relationship is not healthy.
Here’s the fun part! Make a mental (and sometimes literal) note of what makes you happy. If you love staring out the window, watching birds, make a note of that. If you love being around children, make a note of that. If you like going for long walks, make a note of that. For some people, going for ice cream, going grocery shopping alone, or sitting outside in the backyard makes them happy. Look for the little things that bring you Joy and then do more of them.
Another exciting journey is learning how to recognize things that you have control over. Life is so unpredictable and there are many things that are outside of our control but there are even more we have a say so about! We get to control whether or not we live in the moment. We get to choose the thoughts that we allow to play in our minds on repeat. We control our mood. We are in control of our expectations. We are in control of how often we choose to laugh and have fun. We choose who gets an intimate seat in our lives. We can choose to walk away from abuse and misuse. We are powerful. We do have control over certain aspects of life. I’m not teaching you a theory that I heard. I’m teaching you my lifestyle. It works!
I’m always excited about sharing the tips and tricks that I’ve learned on my journey of hope and healing. Follow me on social media @MomentsWMissy or Moments with Missy to receive more inspiration. Schedule a FREE consultation with me today to explore your specific needs and options. Contact me today.