Confessions: Before I Became MsMissy
If this is your first time reading my blog (or your 50th), I need you to know that I am so blessed — I’m a miracle. I’ve come a long way in a short amount of time. In some ways, I’m still on my journey of hope and healing. Recovery is a process and it requires patience.
After over 11 years of facing the effects of extreme bouts of temporary paralysis and muscle fatigue, I am still standing and refusing to quit. I have several diagnoses (non life-threatening) that affect my mobility and make my days difficult. I used to view my physical challenges as top secrets that couldn’t go beyond the knowledge of my immediate family. I felt that if they became public knowledge, no man would want me. The very thought once horrified me. Now, I’m mostly mildly concerned. The truth is, there hasn’t been a decrease of men showing interest since I’ve been disabled. If anything, it seems to have increased; but that’s for another post. 😉
For years, in my early 20’s, I endured an extremely emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. My sense of self was destroyed; my heart was shattered; and my mind became a little fractured. In the process, my spirit became completely broken and I functioned in a sort of numb state. I suffered in silence, afraid to tell anyone what I was going through. I didn’t know how to explain it anyway.
My past, as a young child, included being depressed and suicidal. I had a difficult relationship with my mom that caused me to be unable to express myself or feel like I had a voice. I was wounded a long time before my dating experience. I hid it well with my smile, beautiful singing voice and overall pleasant disposition. However, I have fought hard and long to get to the place where I am today. I’m no longer just a survivor. I am so blessed to be one who thrives! I’m so blessed by God to be alive and in a healthy state of mind. Although blessed feels like an understatement, it’s the best word I know to describe the many second chances at life that I’ve received.
As a Writer, Speaker and Life and Relationship Coach, I don’t speak or write to people from book knowledge alone. I speak from experience. I speak from being one who was once shattered and eventually learned how to become whole. I still carry scars and memories from my past. I didn’t develop amnesia just because I chose to FIGHT for a better life. I am proud of my progress. I have experienced freedom and wellness! Freedom from people and living for their approval. I’m free from needing external validation in order to function at my best. I don’t need a man to make me feel special in order for me to see my worth. No matter how difficult my life may be at times, I no longer see suicide or death as a way out. I love looking for solutions to my problems. I love LIVING life!
This woman who writes to you, has had her share of mistakes, setbacks and setups but she has survived and has learned valuable lessons. I’m not perfect but I am passionate and focused on living a life that fulfills me. I’m determined to continue rising above all the brokenness and bitterness I embraced. It doesn’t matter who you are, what decisions you’ve made, or what you’re facing, there is a way FORWARD. Staying stuck in sadness will not push you toward any goal. Accepting defeat will not move you any closer toward positive change or results.
Deciding what it is that you want and WHY is the beginning of finding the greatest solution and power you could ever discover. It’s what I did. I got tired of being a victim. I chose to become a warrior or gladiator of sorts. I looked depression in the eye and I mentally had a staredown with those who were toxic influences in my life. I chose me and my future over them. I walked away from people I loved who didn’t genuinely love or care about me. For those that I couldn’t physically walk away from him, I created a defense around my heart and my mind that would not allow their words or presence to penetrate my spirit. I would literally say to myself, in my mind, “you don’t get to dictate how I feel”. It worked! I started getting mentally and emotionally stronger. (To be continued)
Reach out to me and let’s create a plan for your life. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to schedule a FREE 15-minute conversation or visit my website to schedule a personalized coaching session. You get to determine your next step.
Hope Always ,
My book, MsMissy Speaks, is available for purchase on my website and at the APS Books and More bookstore in Chicago.