I hesitated to write this blog. I came very close to deleting it even as I was writing this line. But if I didn’t write this, I wouldn’t be true to myself or to my audience. So, here I am, once again, continuing my journey of hope and healing, doing the best that I can to be the best person that I can be.
I didn’t expect to be single this Valentine’s Day. I was quite certain that my special someone would be in my life and would have swept me off my feet and would continue to do so for the rest of my life. But, life (God) had other plans for me: the continuation of singlehood. I know. I wrote that with very little excitement. The truth is, I don’t feel overly excited about my current state of being single – I’m frustrated. I’ve had suitors, men who have shown interest, admirers, and even a fiancé once; but I just haven’t been able to connect with The One.
Don’t worry, this is not a pity post – put away the tissue, silence the sad violin, I don’t require sympathy. This is a keepin’ it 💯 post. I talk about hope and happiness, self-love and the joys of being in tune with who I am and living life on my terms. But I’m human. I need you to know the truth. I hurt. I cry. I face disappointment. I don’t have everything that I want. My heart has aches and longings.
As a result, I find myself somewhat torn. In love with my life and who I’ve become; but sad that there is no life partner with whom to share it. Life is funny, though. Not many years ago, I wanted nothing to do with men and relationships. I was cynical, bitter, and jaded. Relationships were automatically equated with drama and I wanted neither of them. I was wounded (broken actually) and severely skeptical about love and marriage. I’d seen so many failed relationships and miserable marriages. I just couldn’t believe that I’d be blessed with a beautiful experience.
With God’s help, I have completely rebuilt my life. I’ve transformed from a fearful, broken victim to a woman who knows her mind and her worth and isn’t afraid to remind you of both. I’m no longer afraid of being abused and I now see relationships as a vehicle for growth. My heart is more open to people and a little less suspicious of their intentions. What was once hard, chained and imprisoned under lock and key is now pliable, suple and free.
I’ve learned some things along the way: (1) Not every negative experience has to be repeated. (2) One should never suffer in silence. (3) Any relationship that takes away from the quality of your life is toxic. (4) It’s never too late to change. (5) Every day, people experience true love.
Of course, I’ve learned a lot more; but it’s these lessons that help increase my hope in one day having a love (husband) of my own. Just because I’m single today doesn’t mean I’ll be single tomorrow. Just because I have an abusive past doesn’t mean I’ll have an abusive future. Anything is possible if I keep my heart open to hope, love and happiness. Disappointment doesn’t last forever and the overly emotional moments always pass. What matters is that I maintain me. I can’t get lost in the process. I can’t regress and accept bitterness and hopelessness back into my life regardless of how things look. I have to stay focused. I must keep my wellness, purpose and my service to God as top priorities. God didn’t bring me this far to leave me. He knows and understands my humanity – He created it. So, I must allow Him control over it.
To my fellow singles, I know that it’s not always easy (especially after passing certain age brackets). I know it gets lonely. I understand that sometimes you have to watch others receive the blessings you desire. Did you know that married folks experience the same thing, too?! They do. That’s a benefit I have of having a lot of close, married friends. Can I encourage you to celebrate your gift, today? You and I are special because we possess an almost blank slate. We get to start writing our love story and know that the possibilities for extra details (the ones our partners bring) are endless! We can start writing a story that begins with personal fulfillment. We can write a story that revolves around passion and purpose. Our stories can include the healing of past scars and the mending of relationships. We can write maturity, growth, and more stable finances. The sky is the limit. No. Scratch that. WE are the limit. This time can be as phenomenal or as dull as we allow it.
I don’t know your heart’s desires. I can’t make you any promises; but I know that you are worth much more than a life of sadness. Don’t give up on your hopes and dreams. Work to live your best life. Fight against complacency and mediocrity. Write your own love story. Treat yourself well. Fall in love with you. Set a standard by which others treat you. Discover and establish relationship boundaries. Don’t allow people to take advantage of you. Make decisions that best serve you and allow you to better serve others. This is your moment to shine. This is your season to blossom. This is our season. Let’s set the stage for success.
I’ve decided to celebrate Valentine’s Day because I truly love me and…. I am celebrating, in advance, that amazing love I will one day have. It ain’t ova!
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