Trauma changes people.
Trauma changed me.
Emotional abuse in my childhood sent me spiraling into a deep depression and I became suicidal. Later on, an abusive relationship in my adulthood shattered my heart and broke my spirit. I lost myself and I became disconnected from passion and purpose. My mind was fractured and I became a shell of myself. I hid in embarrassment. I was drowning in shame. I felt destroyed. I was angry and bitter at the world, at men, and at God.
Today, I am no longer shattered. I have taken my pain and I’ve given it a voice. I speak hope because I have found hope. I stopped running from my pain and instead I faced it. I looked it in the eye and I chose to no longer be afraid of it. I chose to move forward. I chose a journey of hope and healing. Today, I speak to the wounded, the broken, abused, and the lost. I share my story of finding myself and finding peace. I still have struggles. There are mental and emotional scars. I have flashbacks. I get triggered. I still cry when I remember the pain. They’re tears that I shed for the younger, naive, wounded me. But I celebrate my victories. I hold my head up despite any feelings of shame, frustration, regret or defeat. I know that I didn’t deserve abuse. I understand that my abuser wanted power and control over me. I’m in love with the fact that in the end he lost. I am not my experience. My experience has played a role in shaping me into a phenomenally strong and loving woman. I’m proud. My scars tell a story of a victim who became a warrior who fought a battle against evil and won.
Embracing truth was a huge part of my healing process. I had to accept the facts. I had to come to terms with what I had gone through and accept the truth that it wasn’t because I was stupid and dumb. I fell in love with the wrong person. I had to realize that it wasn’t the end of my life. I would consistently rehearse to myself the truth that I was beautiful, powerful, capable, smart and deserving of all things good. I had to remind myself daily that I had a right to love and happiness. I had a right to a relationship that wasn’t centered around chaos. I discovered who I was and I fell in love with me!
In order to move forward I had to choose to believe the truth that love didn’t hurt me — my fiancé did. I was afraid and had become very skeptical of people. It took a while, but once again I realized that love was real and that good people still existed. The world hadn’t failed me. People as a whole hadn’t failed me. I had a painful and unfortunate experience but I survived. I made it! I faced my truth and learned how to accept it. Eventually, I stopped playing my abuse over and over in my mind. I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I broke free from living life as a victim. I fight to stay free.
I celebrate the fact that I’m a warrior and a survivor. I love that I have learned to thrive. I got my fire back! I possess a bright light within my soul. I have a new love and appreciation for God. He never left. He came through right on time. I’m thankful that I’m here to tell somebody that there is hope. You can make it! Your story may be bleak but it’s not over. Rise up. Speak up. Show up and fight for the good life you deserve. It’s yours.
There is life after abuse. It’s not always easy but you can find your new rhythm. There is hope. Rebuilding and healing takes time. The joy is truly in the journey and the process. Recovery isn’t about being who you once where. Recovery is about becoming well and healthy. It’s about moving forward and refusing to be stagnant. It’s about remembering and crying and healing all over again. Sometimes the breakthroughs are massive and other times they’re small. They are breakthroughs nonetheless.
Perhaps you’re in recovery. Perhaps you’re experiencing abuse. Maybe you’re preparing to leave or you are creating a safety plan because you’ve chosen to stay. I am rooting for you. I believe in you. You are capable of being in control of your life. My wish is that you always choose you and seek what’s best for your life.
I’d love to chat with you and help you decide what you want your next step to be. 15 minutes with me are completely FREE! Simply visit my services page on my website and request to schedule a session with me. I also offer 60-minute sessions.