“When we imagine someone is incapable of having human failures, we are bound to be disappointed.”
– Sarah Jakes Roberts, Don’t Settle for Safe
If you follow my blog or have followed me across social media any length of time, then you know that I love talking about relationships. Relationships give life it’s awesome flavor and pizzaz. They can also be a bit complex and frustrating at times. However, the quote above very accurately describes what I want my mindset to be at the moment.
People need room to be themselves. People need room to make mistakes. We all mess up sometimes. I have been extremely hard on people when they have made mistakes or when they have been disloyal or didn’t respond to my pain quite as sensitively or tactfully as I wanted them to. Some of my most favorite people have shocked and disappointed me but I’m coming to terms with the fact that that’s okay.
On the other hand, some of the experiences I have had with people lately have been a great starting place for me to have a do-over. I’ve been talking a lot about creating a clean slate (see previous post). Sometimes, however, the slate has to be thrown away and we have to intentionally pick up a new one and write a new story. Sometimes, we need to “clean house” when it comes to the people we’ve allowed intimate access to our lives. Some people need to be removed while others should be given more access. We have to decide what works best for us. We may need to adjust the expectations we have for the people in our lives as well. Sometimes our expectations are too high and then there are times when they are too low. This is a perfect time to evaluate whether or not we’ve been fair to the people in our lives and whether or not we’ve been fair to ourselves.
I’d like to be very clear. I am using the term Clean Slate rather loosely. I understand that life is not cut and dry. Some relationships, especially marriages, are a bit more complex. Cleaning our slates is a process where we analyze and evaluate our lives. A process where we make changes and improvements as needed. A process where we make a decision to forgive, move forward, heal, declutter and clarify life. An opportunity to become a more healthy person overall. Sometimes, the past is holding us back from being the person we can be today; so we have to go in and make changes or personal improvements. Sometimes we’re holding on to too much junk from ages ago and we need to do a complete detox and uhaul of our lives. This is w part of cleaning the slate.
It’s okay to make a decision to start over in many areas of your life. You don’t have to keep dating the same type of person. You don’t have to keep confiding in the same type of people. You don’t have to keep playing your past mistakes and mishaps over and over. You don’t have to hold your parents for mistakes they made in your childhood. You can forgive your ex. You can go get professional counseling. I’m not saying you’re going to developing amnesia and completely forget what has happened or what was done to you. I’m saying that you can choose to start something new. You can choose to make decisions and live a life that is not based on past or present hurts. You can be intentional about creating a future that is based on health and wellness, hope and happiness.
Will you take the challenge with me? Will you work to discover what it is you need to do to live your best life? Are you willing to work through the negative parts of life so that you get to the better parts? I hope that you will join me. I am intentionally looking forward. I am intentionally accepting my past and allowing it to make me great. I am taking my pain and allowing it to transform me into a better woman. There’s no Hocus Pocus. God definitely gives me the strength; but I have chosen to make myself more important than any unfulfilled desires, deep-seeded voids and past trauma. I deserve a beautiful future and I’m going to have it because I’m creating it. I’m happy and full of love and hope.
If you need help getting started, reach out to me! I offer free 15-minute conversations where I work to point you in the right direction. Or you can choose to be one of my personal coaching clients and we will work together to help you reach your life enrichment and relationship goals. Whatever you do, start somewhere. The future doesn’t have to be full of gloom. Don’t just survive. Thrive.