Once again, I find myself needing to stay true to Moments with Missy’s mission. I have always tried to be transparent and vulnerable along my journey. All I wanted was to share my story and encourage people to take off their masks, accept and admit their truth, without fear of being judged. I wanted to bare the more difficult, less glamorous aspects of my humanity, allowing struggle and imperfection to be acceptable and nothing worthy of shame.
My journey has not been an easy one. Sometimes, I feel that I’m having no affect on people and then there are times when I’m overwhelmed by confirmation that many are being blessed and I’m doing exactly what I should be. Sometimes, I feel bold, while at other times, I feel extremely shy. I have many who support me. Then, there are those closest to me who seem to be fading more and more into the background.
Lately, (actually, it’s been a while now) I feel extremely lonely. Dealing with and addressing the real, uncomfortable issues isn’t a popular mission. I feel lonely because my reality doesn’t match my expectations. I (unfairly) expected and assumed I’d receive a certain level of support from my rather large social circle. I mentally signed them up, right out the gate, and set myself up for disappointment.
I didn’t focus on my audience – the people God would assign to me and place under my care. I wanted to save the entire world and be there for everyone. I forgot that I’m only one person and that no one person will ever be assigned the whole world. I’m so passionate about the wounded and broken finding healing and church folk being more aware of and honest about their personal struggles, family issues and the demons of their past. I have learned to embrace my truth and find the good in every detail of my negative reality. I just knew that everyone wanted what I had. But I forgot that I wasn’t always ready. I didn’t always feel like fighting depression, admitting that I had weaknesses or living a life dedicated to hope and healing.
Exhaustion from trying to save everyone has greatly affected my mental and emotional energy. The disappointment of my lack of support has saddened me. Physically and mentally, I became so tired. But this is a good thing. I have had the opportunity to become more centered and in tune with my current, specific mission. I can’t dictate who comes with me on my journey. Not everyone will. I have to focus on God’s will and be willing to wait on His assignment. I don’t know how I’m going to do this exactly; but I am willing to make the necessary changes.
I’m hurting. I’m facing discouragement and I have (once again) been tempted to give up. This usually happens right before a BREAKTHROUGH. Whew! I just got excited. 😊 God is patient. God is fair. God is faithful. I’m flawed, a perfectionist and extremely analytical; but I must continue the release of my life so that I don’t become weighed down and miss out on my elevation. I didn’t choose the path I’m on; but it is a beautiful gift. When I had given up on life, God took special care to not give up on me. He rescued me from myself, my pride and the immorality of my past. He made me a woman of honor, who came to realize her worth.
Do I undo all of that because I must travel some of my journey alone or because I lack so many answers? The Bible says, in James 1:5, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” So, I’m in good hands. If I trust, completely, I’ll reach each intended destination, and take with me everyone that’s meant to be.
Inhale. Exhale. Pray. Believe. Persevere. Get through the tough stuff so you can arrive at The Better.