It’s My Blog. I Can Write Whatever I Want.
These words have been so liberating. As a published Author and Life oach professional, it’s easy to get caught up in routine and leave some of the spark and spontaneity of writing behind. There are all these rules about what to write, how often one should write, etc. At the end of the day, I want my readers inspired, I want to continue to share my heart and life experiences while maintaining a platform that gives my pain a voice.
Any given day, a number of thoughts go through my head. A range of emotions are felt and so many ideas to further enjoy my passions come to mind. I think about my future, my past and my pain. I contemplate business decisions and consider their financial repercussions. I long for love, marriage and a future with the love of my life. I think about how passionate I am about life, my church, the youth, my family, career and ministry and I wonder if I have time and energy for a husband. I laugh at myself for thinking so deeply and so far into the future.
On any given day, I may struggle. I may cry. I sometimes feel uncertain and unsure. I wonder if I’m capable, if I will fail and if I should even try. And then, on any given day, I find myself trying one more time. My road is rocky. My battle with sickness, depression and the demons of my past are sometimes extremely intense. But I always survive. I always come out on top, more focused and more in tune with how strong I am. I’m reminded of how much I need my support system and how much I benefit from pouring into the lives of all of you.
When I get overwhelmed (which is quite often) I pause and pray; I refocus and recharge. I zoom in on what matters most and what will add to my wellness and quality of life. God is my center; my victories are my reminders; and my past is the buffer that keeps me focused. There are so many things I never want to relive; experiences I refuse to ever have again. I have been broken and I refuse to throw away all the time and effort that went into my mending.
This is my blog. This is my life. I refuse to live it in a box. I refuse to forget to live. Life is my gift, literally. I wanted to take my life. I had lost the desire to live. My pain was choking the life out of me and no one could see. Being alive is my blessing but enjoying my life is my treasure. I have made many leaps and strides forward. There’s no time to go in reverse. No matter how low I feel I refuse to allow it to be my reality.
There is a skill to embracing reality while maintaining hope. There is an art to acceptance. I live in truth, acknowledging what is. Then I look ahead with expectation and hope, looking forward to all the greater things that are in store, not limiting myself to just what I can see. It takes practise. I don’t always get it perfect the first time. But I have survived the storms of life and I’m still smiling. I’m not always happy and I definitely don’t like every circumstance; but my heart is smiling. I smile inside because my life is about more than I can see. It’s about more than materials I could ever possess. My life is about purpose, passion, vision and goals. My life is about overcoming everything I once thought would take me out.
I am a survivor who has learned to THRIVE. I am a survivor who has found out that there is more to life than the shadows and the fears of my past. I carry scars. I have unpleasant dreams. There are triggers that instantly take me back to moments of abuse. But I’m aware. I’m healing; and every day I grow more and more strong. I’m blessed. I’m at peace. I’m confident in my tomorrow. I am loved and I am cared for, deeply. I am God’s child and although I don’t have everything that I want, I have more than enough.
So, like my blog, this is my life and I can write whatever I want. I decide to shine. I decide to believe, to be hopeful, to maintain control. I get to choose the type of life I live, the type of people I allow intimate access to my life and the type of experiences I cultivate. This is my life.
This is your life. You, too, can choose. Of course, you can’t design every moment but you can design the ones that matter most. You can thrive. You can be intentional. You can choose to have fun and make the days count. You can give your pain a voice. You can grow from victim to Victor. It’s your life. What are you writing?