I’m hurt, y’all. I’ve been here before; but the pain is still just as deep and the sting burns beyond words. My heart is crying. I’m feeling a little out of place and definitively unsure. Not sure how to confront the issues (again). Not sure how to express myself without using words far too blunt for my taste. I like people. Hey, I love people. I love hard and true. But some of my favorite folks feel like strangers. We’ve had some falling outs and as much as I know about and understand relationships, I don’t know how to fix them.
Why am I telling you this? Because I made you a promise. I promised you I’d be straightforward. I promised you that I’d be honest. I promised myself that I would be a transparent source of support to those who, like me, are on this journey of hope and healing — a journey of living their best life. I need you to know that although we try our best, this journey will be full of difficult and confusing moments; but that’s okay as long as we continue moving forward. As long as we maintain hope and focus on our personal wellness, none of our experiences are in vain.
We go through different seasons of life. For me, this is a season of loneliness. Close ties and close connections are being stretched thin. Not because anybody has it out for me or because I’m surrounded by evil people. It’s just because I’m in a season that requires me to grow and mature. I have to reach new heights. I have to add new experiences to my repertoire. If all my relationships were cozy and perfect, I wouldn’t have to use any of the communication or coping skills that I’ve gained through the years. If everything was just dandy I wouldn’t have to face past hurts or work on current relationships that mirror troubling ones from my past. It’s time for me to move forward, step up higher, go through another level of healing and continue to thrive.
I write to you as someone who has mastered much but not all. I write to you as a human with feelings of disappointment, anger and discouragement. Most importantly, I write to you as one who has hope and strong faith in God. I write to you as someone who is not afraid to shed tears and is willing to wipe them away. I write to you as someone who understands humanity and the emotional roller coasters we sometimes find ourselves on. I’m writing as a woman who opened her heart to the possibility of love for the first time in many years and despite her efforts still got hurt. I write to you with regrets but also a host of lessons learned. I’m hurt but not broken. Wounded but not bound. Perplexed but not confused about my purpose or identity. I write to inspire you to be honest with yourself about your feelings and to stay focused on your goal. Grab hold to courage and keep moving so that you get to your destination. Even if your heart is crying, don’t welcome bitterness. Reject the tendency to be cynical and numb. You will be okay.
No matter how difficult the present or the past, you can create a clean slate to write the vision of your future. Don’t give up. Refuse to be discouraged. Get to work on your heart, mind and spirit. Get busy deciding what kind of life you want to live. Choose what kind of energy you want to pour into your heart. The choice is yours. You don’t have to stay stuck in negativity. Life has difficulties but it’s not all hard. Look for reasons to smile. Make opportunities to celebrate. Create your happiness. Pain is temporary. I promise, if you allow it to, every hurt can heal. Remember, you are not alone. I’m rooting for you. I believe in you. I am convinced that you can make it through anything.