So what happens when the woman who empowers the world needs empowerment? She turns to God. She turns to friends. She turns to writing. She gives her pain a voice, an outlet. She holds tighter than ever to hope and pushes back against fear and doubt. She will rehearse the many other times when things worked out. She remembers the numerous times she overcame every obstacle. She chooses to be still, to trust in God. She chooses to believe in the things she can’t see. She trusts the process. She trusts in herself. She closes her eyes and says a prayer, asking for strength to maintain focus and peace. She believes that God hears her. She believes that she deserves all the blessings He wants to give. She chooses faith over fear, hope over dismay. She believes in tomorrow and all the possibilities it brings.
I’m that woman, and sometimes, it’s hard to be her. Sometimes, my sorrow feels almost suffocating. The weight of my responsibility and the great of the unknown almost seem too much to bear. The journey I’m on is sometimes lonely. So often, I find that no one has the answers. I’m forced to wait, to not know. It’s a complex journey but a well-rewarded one. I am constantly growing, discovering, healing, and maturing. I consistently learn valuable lessons from my past and gain insight on how to not repeat the less favorable parts. I’m learning to trust God on a another level. I’m learning a new kind of peace. The peace the Bible talks about – peace that passes all understanding. I am blessed.
The difficulty? The process. Trusting the process. The moments of my journey when I’m at my weakest, when I feel tired and unsure how to continue forward. When I have more questions than answers. The distractions that try to take my focus off of where I’m going. The temptation to not look at the big picture. I know that I should trust the process: ignore the excess chatter and focus on what matters most. It’s become my default solution. It’s just not always the easiest solution. But that’s how this woman lives. I know that it can be done.
I’m a product of trusting the process. My life is what it is because I learned the value of letting go and believing that what’s meant to be will be. I have learned so much from knowing so little. My painful moments have produced in me a strength that runs deep. I refuse to work backwards. I refuse to return to a life of sadness and hopelessness. I fight against allowing my emotions and my memories to control me and dictate my quality of life. I have fought too hard to allow my destination to be depression, bitterness, covetousness, and loss of will to thrive. God Almighty made me a Survivor. There is no pain, no loneliness, no task or ministry too great that He can’t lead me safely through and toward. God is omnipotent. God is holy. He is perfect. My future is in His hand. As I have survived my past, He will help me survive my present and safely reach my future.
How does a woman of faith come face to face with discouragement and fear and walk away unscathed? She’s a warrior that has learned to fight and win. She has trained, many days for the difficult moments. She has a willingness and determination to be better and do better. She has a healthy sense of Great Expectations.
That woman is me. I am strong. I am capable. I am God’s. Even when life is far from perfect and I’m surrounded by uncertainty and fear, there is a fire of hope that burns inside me, assuring me that everything will be okay. I am proud to be that woman. I hurt. Sometimes the pain is so intense that I break down and cry. I sometimes feel afraid and alone. I face disappointment. But I always find something better, later on, than I could have ever imagined.
I’ve accomplished a lot and have attempted so much more. I’m resilient. I’m strong. I’m a sassy. That’s me. I’m in love with who I am, although it took pain and some regret to get here. I’m proud of the tenacity with which I live my life. I’m grateful to no longer be a victim. I have become my hero.
I won’t pretend to have it all together. I don’t. But I understand me. I know what I want. Every day, I work to maintain the life that I live. I work to maintain my happiness. I got rid of hate, anger, resentment and shame. I broke free from fear’s dictating hold. I accepted my truth and my life changed. I found freedom and liberation when I stopped hiding from my wounds, my mistakes, abuse and shame. I made my healing and wellness priorities in my life. I chose to live for me and my happiness. I’m so grateful. I’m so humbled.
The tricks and tips I’ve learned, I now share. Not because I think I have all of the answers; but because I want you to live your best life. I want my community (my tribe) to know that they aren’t alone. I want you to be aware that there is always something better around the corner and that your circumstances don’t define you. Present situations don’t have to dictate your future. Every thing that you face can work for your good if you let it.
Find out more about my story and how I transformed my life in my book, MsMissy Speaks. Click here for more information.