Lies. All Lies.
I’m uncovering the fake news in my life. I have been discovering lies that I have believed about myself. Lies from my childhood. Lies from years of abuse. Lies that I’ve told myself out of fear.
I refuse to live my life based on things that aren’t true. Choosing facts over fiction is a real mission for me right now. It’s not easy. The lies that I have to look out for the most are the small, everyday ones. Lies that tell me I’m not enough. Lies that tell me I’m not loved or cared for by others. The little voice in my head that tells me that I’ll fail at whatever I attempt. The lies that say that I’m alone. The lies that tell me that I’ll only ever be just someone who’s disabled and that I should quit any endeavours while I’m ahead. I could go on and on with examples of fake news reels and flat out lies.
I’m working on exposing the lies to myself and reconstructing my flawed thinking so that my life has the most beautiful meaning. I can’t afford to waste energy on fear, obsessing over what I think other folks think, or what I perceive to be personal failures. Challenging the source of my beliefs makes me uncomfortable sometimes but there is power in truth. It’s really working to set me free.
2020 has been AMAZINGLY difficult yet so good to my soul. I am constantly finding a place of peace in the midst of life’s uncertainty. I am learning to accept and love who I am regardless of how far away I feel I am from my goals. I am celebrating my resilience during my journey of hope and healing. I’m clinging to truth and rejecting doubts and fears.
I’ve experienced a lot of emotional and mental abuse in my life. That has programed a lot of negative thinking within me. I’m working on retraining my heart and brain to not receive and believe the hopelessness that my pain presents to me. I’m on a journey to retrain my brain’s response to the painful memories and extremely distressing current circumstances of my life. I’m physically disabled and I go through a lot of pain and have physical limitations. I have so many hopes and dreams and just don’t have the mental or physical stamina to get everything done as fast (and as soon) as I want.
My goal is to undo every painful experience with a powerful truth. For example, when my autonomy is under attack I will tell myself that I have the right to who I am along with my thoughts and opinions. When I have a dream about my abuse or am triggered by current situations I will remind myself that I’m no longer a victim. I am an overcomer. When I have thoughts and emotions that make me feel like a victim I will boldly proclaim that feelings are not facts. I will survive and thrive despite obstacles. When my body limits me I will celebrate the fact that I still have a vision and a plan for my life. Life is a gift that’s meant to be enjoyed so I am determined to live my life well.
What about you? What are you believing that’s not true? It’s so easy to be consumed by the negative narratives in your head. Your experiences play a huge role in how you see yourself and others. But there is more to life. An important part is your ability to change your thoughts and feelings surrounding your experiences. Instead of seeing yourself through the lens of your circumstances you can create a new narrative. Maybe you’ve been abused, misused, or feel incapable and unwanted. It’s up to you to begin telling yourself that you are strong, capable, and worthy of love. You can take it moment by moment with each circumstance. Regardless of what’s going on in your life you can make it. You have what it takes to make it. You are more than able. I’m rooting for you. I believe in you.