Sometimes I wish I had an eraser. I wish I could undo all the damage. I wish I could go back and not have experienced all the abuse of my past. With all the healing and all the time that’s gone by I still suffer. I still have intense moments. I still have scars. I have memories. Reruns of my past flash through my head. I’m sometimes suspicious, often checking people’s motives to make sure I’m not being played, abused or manipulated.
At times, there is a narrative in my head that tells me that I’m damaged goods of some sort. I know it’s a lie but it doesn’t change what I feel. I ask God why I had to go through so much pain to become the woman I am today. Why couldn’t I have gotten here some easier way? Why couldn’t the lessons be learned sooner? In fact, why couldn’t I just know the information without the painful life experiences? I ask these questions a lot always coming to the same conclusion.
I am strong, fierce, worthy of love, and am so much more than the unfavorable parts of my past. I am power. I am hope. I am love. I embody healing. Despite my past I shine! Despite the negative things I’ve been told or once believed about myself, I can see so many positives. That’s supernatural because it defies logic. My faith has been challenged but I still believe. I believe in God, His sovereignty, omnipotent power and love for me. I believe in me. I believe in my future. I believe in healing. I’m a witness that devastation isn’t a final destination.
I have found happiness and a love for myself. I admit that it is because of my past. Perhaps further along my journey it’ll be despite my past. I fight hard to maintain a clear sight of my worth. I remind myself that I’m not what happened to me. I’m who I have chosen to be. There are times when I feel like I am what has happened. My emotions blind me to how far I’ve come. They show me my life through an altered perception of reality. The truth is that I’m dedicated to fighting my demons so I can stay on the path of self-discovery, purpose, passion and progress. I believe.
I’ve always promised my followers honesty. It’s the same thing I give to my clients and to any audience that hears me speak. It’s my truth that keeps me grounded. It’s my truth that reminds me of the courage and the strength I possess. I don’t ignore my pain. I don’t ignore my past. However, I refuse to live my life based on them. I will keep moving forward. I will continue my journey of hope and healing. I will continue to tell my truth to encourage and inspire anyone who’ll listen.
No matter what you have been through there is always the other side. It does gets better. It won’t happen overnight. You won’t always have good days but better days are ahead. Staying connected to your truth and refusing to get lost or stuck in it is one of your greatest tools. Use it. Face your problems. Own your struggles. They don’t make you weak. Knowing the opposition is an advantage. Knowing where you’re vulnerable will give you an added source of strength.
You’ve got this! 💪🏾💜
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