Disaster and devastation.
I didn’t want to start over. I couldn’t get over how drastically my life had changed. Every day, I would say to myself, ‘it’s not supposed to be this way‘. I couldn’t believe that my life was nothing like the way I had planned. I was extremely ill. I could barely sit up for 5 minutes. I had to leave the job I loved and a career that I was extremely passionate about — Mental Health. I found myself at home, bedridden with very little control over my body. My muscles would become temporarily paralyzed (that’s the best way to describe it). I was at the mercy of whatever my body would or wouldn’t do. On top of that, I was emotionally broken. I had walked away from an extremely abusive relationship but the scars were deep and I needed so much healing.
Initially, I felt forced into starting over. I use the word forced because either I was going to shrivel up, fall into a deep depression and die or I was going to get up and live. I had been extremely depressed and suicidal before. I knew about that life and I didn’t want to go back there.
However, I was upset with God. I felt that what happened to me was extremely unfair. But in order to live a better life I had to get over myself. I had to realize that I wasn’t the only one struggling and that life was never designed to be super easy. I had to realize that my struggles didn’t have to ruin my life. I just had to work harder to have a good one.
It started with the little things.
After a while, I chose to committ to fighting one day at a time. Some days were much harder than others. Sometimes fighting looked like getting out of the bed when I could. Sometimes fighting was encouraging someone else who was sick or going through a hard time. Sometimes fighting was forcing myself to smile and to laugh with my family when all I wanted to do was cry.
I made peace with my struggles.
I slowly began to find a purpose and I had more moments of being happy. I slowly began to change my mindset and instead of feeling sorry for myself I would find ways to improve my reality. I learned to become grateful for what I had and what had been. I counted my blessings. I had earned my college degree, had experience in the field, had been on multiple road trips, a cruise, a trip to Hawaii, purchased my own car, etc. I had a huge social life that included many nights full of laughter. Sometimes, the memories were all I had to lean on. I have to believe that one day they would be my reality again.
Life got better. I still struggle a lot but starting over allowed me to grow and mature. Starting over allowed me to realize that even when life is full of disaster everything will be okay. All the pain I went through didn’t take me out. Sometimes I feel tired. Sometimes I’m tempted to give up. Sometimes I don’t feel like dealing with the struggles I face day to day. But God gives me the strength to CHOOSE to move forward. I’m so blessed!
I became committed to wellness.
For me, starting over is synonymous with making real changes and being willing to fix whatever doesn’t work in our lives. I became committed to getting well — emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and financially. I started falling in love with me. I stopped spending so much time focusing on who hurt me and all the damage that had been done. Instead of focusing on my limitations I started focusing on what I could do. I discovered new strengths. I became determined to live my best life.
What looks like disaster may be an opportunity for something new and amazing!
If your current life isn’t working for you, perhaps you need to start over. Maybe you need to think differently. Maybe you need to choose new coping mechanisms. Maybe you need a different support system. Maybe you need to love on you. It’s possible that you may choose to do a total u-haul on your attitudes, expectations, and perceptions.
Changing my mindset changed my life! I would never have made it if I didn’t start thinking differently. I had to let go of my victim mentality. I had to stop playing out, in my mind, all the negative things that happened to me. I had to forgive myself. I had to forgive those who wronged me.
Once again I find myself starting over. Readjusting my ideas and ideals. Making changes to my expectations and the attitudes I have about people and myself. I just want to be my best self. I want to treat people right. I want to love right. I want to embrace happiness and contentment. It’s so easy to get distracted by what other people are doing. It’s easy to get distracted by our unmet expectations. 2018 brought a lot of pain for me; but I’m ending it in a good place. I cry a lot. I have experienced loss. I have sometimes questioned if I should continue Moments with Missy™ and wondered if people were really being blessed. Instead of giving up, I made the necessary adjustments and got my mind right.
I’m focused and excited about the path God has chosen for me. Although I would love to have all the answers I have made peace with simply following His guidance. I’m at rest. I realize that the best is really yet to come. Not because it sounds good and makes me feel good but because it’s the way life works. It’s the way God works. I have witnessed it so many times. Life is a gift. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to enjoy mine.
If you would like to, you can keep up with me across the internet. I have a website and I am on Instagram Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. I’ve posted live videos on the Periscope app and I’m working on my YouTube channel. Just look for Melissa Elise Hall or the handle @MomentsWMissy. You can also join my email list. Positive changes are coming to my email family in January. I’m excited.
If you would like to schedule a free 15-minute chat with me, feel free to do so by sending me an email.