I’m Tired but Will Not Quit
2018 brought me a surprise — endless grief. One thing after another has brought my heart an incredible amount of pain. I have spent a lot of time talking about my past pain and how I allowed it to make me stronger. Currently, I’m in pain. I’m struggling to tell my current story because it’s still being written and I can’t clearly see the outcome.
Recently, I have had to struggle to smile while teaching others how to discover a reason to smile. The very words I have spoken, typed and shared have challenged me; but I choose to continue sharing my story because I’m committed to doing so. It’s easier to share when my struggles have been resolved or I at least have the answers and solutions for my current pain. Today, I don’t have many answers. In fact, with each day I seem to have more questions. I am facing unhappiness. I am in mourning. Bitterness, resentment and depression are banging on my heart’s door. It’s as if they are trying to force me to let them in. Many days, I don’t feel like fighting them but I do. Accepting them is so tempting because I know that they will temporarily numb the pain. What pain? Loneliness, discouragement, failed relationships, family dysfunction, and the loss of confidence I once had in those I thought were my heroes.
I’m not interested in maintaining a facade. I’m not interested in pretending to have it all together when I feel like I’m falling apart. I like to give you the truth. Not just because I promised I would but because it’s more healthy for me. Honestly, being honest is what’s keeping me going. It’s refreshing to not have to pretend that my life is perfect. It’s freeing to be able to admit that I’m struggling and not have to maintain some kind of unrealistic standard of perfection. My brand, Moments with Missy™, is all about taking the bad, the ugly and devastating things and allowing them to create something beautiful. Not just beautiful to look at but beautiful because they becomes the tools that shape, mold and buffer us into our positive self, allowing for a positive future.
Just because I’m a Life and Relationship Advocate doesn’t mean that my life and relationships are perfect. It means that I will always fight for health, wellness, equality, and balance. It means that I will always fight to remove anything and anyone who takes away from my journey of hope and healing. I don’t always know how to do that but you can believe that I am always working on finding the best solution.
If you are struggling to find a way through your difficulty, I urge you to believe that you are not alone. If you can’t find support, wellness and happiness among the people you love the most, I urge you to know that it will get better and you are not alone. If your past has come back to wreck havoc on your life, I urge you to reach out for help and not choose to be alone. It’s my vision that we would find strength in one another and utilize that strength to fight against the negative forces that would attempt to rob us of our opportunity to live our best life.
We each possess the ability to navigate through life and choose positive ways to deal with our struggles. We each have the ability to grow and change for the better. We each are capable of being love, light and hope in the midst of so much darkness and devastation. It’s a choice. Making the choice to go high when folks go low is not always easy but it can be done. Each of us are capable of deciding what it is that we want out of life and then going for it and obtaining it. We are each capable of deciding on the kind of person we want to be and developing daily into that person.
If I can be of any help to you as you live your life and build or create relationships, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
My book, MsMissy Speaks, is available for purchase on my website and at the APS Books and More bookstore in Chicago.