Creating a Clean Slate
Who doesn’t love a do-over? I know that when teachers offered me an opportunity to take a test over or do a make-up assignment, I quickly agreed. We teach children to start over if they’ve made a mess of a drawing or some other art project. It seems that up until a certain point in life, we’re aware that few things are permanent. We eventually lose the blind confidence that once convinced us that we could fix anything. How many times have little children looked up at us and said, “I’ll fix it”? Things that were beyond repair, in our eyes, they believed could just be fixed.
2017 reconnected me with the notion that even in my 30’s I could get a do-over. I didn’t have to stay stuck with unfavorable results. I didn’t have to feel bad about letting go of relationships that were no longer beneficial. At any given time, I could reevaluate and even redefine what a relationship or friendship was. Nothing had to say stagnant. I could evolve. The way I defined life could change. The type of life I wanted to live could change. I realized that I could choose to adjust my expectations and viewpoints on anything and any one whenever I like. This wasn’t a call to instability or confusion but a reminder that I was not a prisoner. I am free to start over. I am free to create, clean, detox and clarify.
Let the party begin!
Well, I didn’t party right away. I had a lot to process. One of the main things I had to figure out was how to handle some of the current voids in my life. One example is that as an adult, there is a certain type of relationship I want to have with my parents that I don’t have. I have good parents. Because they are human, they are also flawed. During my season of do over, I have discovered that if what I wanted was something I actually needed, I believe I would have it. All of my needs have been supplied. There is absolutely nothing missing in my life that is hindering me from living the best life that I can at this moment. I have everything that I need at hand and in my hand to be successful. The ball is in my court.
Okay. I’m going to back up. I get it. I know the thoughts that are going through your head. They went through mine, too. I promise, this is not an extreme mind game or deep, psychological strategy. It’s simple acceptance looked at through the lens of Truth. Our realities are simply that — real. They exist. They are often difficult and complex. Some parts bring joy and other parts bring pain. Our experiences, what we have, and what we lack play a huge role in who we are and the emotions we feel. However, it’s up to us to take the next step forward and create a life worth living and enjoying. What has happened in the past does not have to dictate the future. Why let it affect the present? I’m busting out. I’m breaking free. I’m accepting that some relationships I long to have just will not be. And because I am genuinely happy, it doesn’t get to matter more than it should.
I’ll talk more about this in the weeks to come because I want to be very clear. There’s a difference between longing for something and accepting the fact that it may never be and longing for something and staying stuck in that pattern of longing. The desire still exists but there is a different outcome. I am not a robot. I feel pain. I cry. I get lonely. But I love my journey of hope and healing! The levels of healing that I’ve been experiencing lately feel indescribable. I pray that God gives me the wisdom to make it as clear to you as it is in my heart.
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