About a week ago, I made up my mind that I wasn’t going to be frustrated any more. I just decided. It’s so cool to be in charge of emotions that way. So, here’s the back story.
I’ve been a sassy, successful single for some time now and I have to admit that I was getting antsy. I’ve been excited about all the emotional and mental healing I’ve experienced this year. I’m no longer scared to be in a relationship, the fear of repeating my past relationship nightmare is greatly reduced and I’m open to exploring romance possibilities. So, excited, I marched up to God and in so many words said, hey, I’m ready! Well, obviously, He wasn’t ready to share me with anyone because months later I found myself still single. So, I became frustrated (there were many other circumstances that played into my frustration; but I’ll reserve those details for a later post 😉).
After spending quite some time frustrated with the fact that I was ready to love again and the opportunity hadn’t presented itself, it’s as if a light bulb came on in my brain. Why am I frustrated about being single when my life and circumstance have been designed by God? Things became so clear. I was stressing needlessly. I’ve mastered and taught others the art of thinking right to get the best results in life and here I was failing miserably at practicing the art in my dating life. What was I thinking? I’m aware things happen when it’s time; yet I was getting distracted by my timeline, emotions, the fact that I’m getting older, etc. I know that my life is so much more than a relationship status. I have no doubt. But I got distracted with trying to see and understand the future – a habit I thought I had stopped a long time ago.
So, I had to start October off in refocus mode. My life is about ministry, happiness, hope and healing, with a goal of living my best life possible. Life isn’t about marriage, status, falling in love and being found by The One. God didn’t allow me to overcome depression, suicide, bitterness, etc. for me to obsess on where my good man is at. Not at all. So, I started getting my mind right and stumbled on to my breakthrough – a simple decision. I chose not to do God’s job but to focus on mine.
What’s the use of spending so much time praying for a husband that I forget to prepare to be a wife? I refuse to waste time. Whether we’re single, dating, married, divorced or separated, life is meant to be lived and we should always work to better ourselves. Growing, healing, laughter and love are my passions and they have been experienced during every season of my life as long as I don’t get in the way and hinder the process. I’ve decided to consistently forget about the time and focus on the mission: living life and enjoying it to the fullest.
I’m still fresh into this new mindset but it has been beautiful. My desire for a healthy, loving relationship hasn’t gone away but it’s not in the driver’s seat. It doesn’t get to determine my mood, consume my thoughts or be the thing that drives me. What drives me are my passions, life purpose and the past that I don’t want to repeat. I refuse to ever be a victim or be an easy prey for a man to easily take advantage. I must stay true to my truth and pay attention to my desires so that they are kept in the proper position in my life. I respect my strengths as well as weaknesses and work toward being the best version of MsMissy at all times. There isn’t a relationship, platonic or romantic, that can make me into my best self. That’s my responsibility.
My life is one exciting experience after another and I’m so blessed to learn so much about myself and life at such a young age. I’ve matured in so many ways and still find ways to keep growing up. Life is a journey and a series of lessons that are designed to teach us. We are taught about basic human nature, our strengths, shortcomings, and frailty. If we let it, life will teach us how to ask for help, as well as be of help, and know what’s important and what’s frivolous. Sometimes the lessons are fun while others are painful and sometimes break our hearts.
What we do with the opportunities to learn lessons makes all the difference. We can close up, shut down and become bitter or open our hearts and minds to knowledge, understanding and wisdom. We can learn to love by experiencing hate. We can be the best friends, parents and lovers because of our lack of friends, absent parents and abusive lovers. We get to choose. We can follow the negative examples we’ve seen or seek out better examples to follow.
Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. It’s going to be okay. Stay centered in the things that matter most – the things that add to the quality of your life and help point you in the right direction toward your best life. We all have dreams, huge hopes and desires. But do we see the big picture? Are we so consumed with where we want to be that we forget to celebrate where we are? Every step forward is a success. Every moment of strength and courage is a success. We are more than where we’re trying to get to and the things we want. We are the journey that gets us there. Every step counts. Don’t spend them overwhelmed, obsessed and stressed. Take time to laugh, smile and reflect. Have some fun. Treat yourself to a new experience or your favorite hobby. Whatever you do, do you and do it well. Embrace your life. Accept your challenges and then conquer them.
P.S. I’m still so looking forward to love.